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Coping With Conflict Pt 2: Conflict Styles

A few months ago, we posted a blog post about coping with conflict. We promised a post about conflict styles and this week we’re delivering on that promise! Sometimes conflict can be difficult to deal with. Understanding your conflict style and the conflict styles of the people around you can help you navigate conflict more easily. 

What Are Conflict Styles?

Conflict styles describe how people cope with and approach conflict. They define how we feel about interacting with conflict or problems with other people. Often we learn conflict styles from the people around us as we’re growing up. We see how the adults in our lives handle conflict and we tend to do the same thing as we age. 

What Are the Different Conflict Styles?

Collaborating – The goal with this conflict style is to find a solution where everyone wins. The person values not only their own opinion, but the opinion of the other person, too. The relationship is important to the person and they don’t want to strain or throw it away because of the conflict, however the issue is also very important and can’t be ignored. This can be very time consuming as a lot of effort has to be expended to find a solution that will truly work for everyone involved without significant compromises being made. 

Competing – The goal with this conflict style is for the person to win. They want their opinion and their concerns to be the most important part of the resolution. Usually, the care for the relationship with the other person is valued quite lowly. This is not necessarily bad but needs to be tempered with understanding the effects it will have on relationships. The solution that the person is looking for here is one that will benefit themselves and not the other person. 

Avoiding – This conflict style involves not engaging with conflict as much as possible. There is always a hope that the problem will resolve itself. While this can be seen as someone who doesn’t care, it can also be seen as someone who is afraid of or very uncomfortable with conflict. However, the problem here is that no one wins and everyone loses. There is no solution that is gained. The problem is not solved. 

Accommodating – This is about setting aside your own needs entirely. The person you’re having the conflict with wins absolutely but your needs don’t get heard or met. This can be okay for issues you don’t have a strong opinion about. But if we’re talking about something you find important, then an accommodating style is not the best outcome. 

Compromising – This is meeting somewhere in the middle. However, this kind of meeting in the middle means no one really gets what they want, they just sort of do. No one fully wins however sometimes this is the only real solution to the problem. 

Is One Better Than the Other?

Sometimes! It depends on the outcome you’re looking for and how important the issue is. Accommodating and avoiding usually does not bode well for anyone. Competing also can hurt relationships. Even then, sometimes they are the best or only choice available. It’s important to understand that different conflicts need different solutions and ways of approaching them. 

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Therapy 101: Mindfulness Based Interventions

If you’ve ever looked into getting therapy, then it’s likely that you’ve heard a lot of different terms thrown around to describe it. There are many different therapy techniques and modalities out there. This blog post is part of a series that is meant to explain some of the more common forms of therapy you’re likely to encounter as you look into potential therapists.

What are Mindfulness Based Interventions?

Mindfulness Based Interventions (MBI) are known by many different terms depending on the main focus and how it is implemented. It can be found in DBT, ACT, mindfulness based stress intervention/reduction , and mindfulness based cognitive therapy. It involves the incorporation of mindfulness techniques in order to reduce stress and some symptoms of certain disorders, like anxiety. 

How Does MBI Work?

Through the use of mindfulness activities, such as meditation or yoga, therapists help clients stay in the present moment. By being more in tune with our feelings and physical sensations, it can help reduce some distress. Clinicians use a variety of techniques to help the client with gaining familiarity with their moment to moment feelings. By grounding themselves in these feelings, it can be easier to combat certain symptoms, like anxiety. 

What Else Can MBI Be Used For?

MBI can be used in the treatment of depression, anxiety, and even chronic pain. It has even been seen in some substance use programs.  There may be some use for it in the treatment of eating disorders because of a focus on distress tolerance.

How do I Find an MBI Therapist?

The good news about MBIs not being a specific therapy is that it makes it easier to find one. Many therapists implement mindfulness into their everyday practice with their clients. For example, here at Compassionate Counseling Company we have many clinicians who use mindfulness! Alison, Andrea, Callie, Christine, Emily, Emma, Fendi, Jessica, Lis, and Theresa would all be great fits. However, you can also use your insurance company’s provider list to find one for you!

Resources:

https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/types/mindfulness-based-interventions

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5679245

https://www.sagerecoveryaustin.com/blog/what-are-mindfulness-based-interventions

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5870875

https://westcoastrecoverycenters.com/blog/what-are-mindfulness-based-interventions

https://bmcpsychology.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s40359-021-00618-2

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Therapy 101: Exposure and Response Prevention Therapy (ERP)

If you’ve ever looked into getting therapy, then it’s likely that you’ve heard a lot of different terms thrown around to describe it. There are many different therapy techniques and modalities out there. This blog post is part of a series that is meant to explain some of the more common forms of therapy you’re likely to encounter as you look into potential therapists.

What is Exposure and Response Prevention Therapy?

Exposure and Response Prevention Therapy (ERP) is a form of therapy aimed primarily to help those with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). It is a form of CBT (which we have discussed in detail before!). The purpose of ERP is to reduce acting upon compulsions and/or reduce the distress associated with intrusive thoughts and obsessions. This is done through controlled exposure to a stimulus that would provoke the distress. It is one of the most effective forms of therapy for treating OCD. 

How Does ERP Work?

ERP works by utilizing a very controlled exposure of whatever the trigger for the compulsion or anxiety is. One of the most common examples is germ contamination. For example, if someone has severe OCD due to germ contamination, they can end up washing their hands obsessively to the point of skin cracking. This also takes up a lot of time. Even if they do not engage in compulsions, they may have intense and recurrent intrusive thoughts. This can be incredibly distressing and leave someone very anxious. This anxiety can lead to diminished social and occupational functioning. 

With ERP, the therapist and the client would work together to design a ladder of situations. For the germ contamination example, it could be that the client imagines something that would trigger their anxiety. Like touching a doorknob in public. They would then rate their anxiety on a scale. The ladder would involve identifying situations from least to highest amounts of anxiety. The client and therapist would then work together to systematically work through the ladder one situation at a time. It would go from imagining it to then doing it. For those who engage in compulsive behavior to deal with distress, they would then have to hold off on engaging in the compulsion. 

Can’t That Be Traumatizing?

If done improperly, it can absolutely be traumatizing to an individual. If you’re afraid of heights, it’s probably not a good idea to try skydiving as your first exposure. But it could be reasonable to do things like riding a glass elevator a couple of stories with the guidance of a trained therapist. Done correctly by someone trained in this method, ERP is safe and incredibly effective for the treatment of OCD and severe phobias. 

Is ERP Just for OCD?

While primarily used for OCD, it has been used successfully for specific phobias, as well. There is also some emerging research that suggests it can help with certain eating disorders, like anorexia. The most important part is finding someone who is specifically trained in this form of therapy. 

How Can I Find an ERP Therapist?

Psychology Today is a great database for finding therapists. While we currently do not have someone at Compassionate Counseling Company that is a trained ERP therapist, you can use your insurance company and Psychology Today to find someone. If in the future we do get a therapist here who does this, we will be updating this post! So keep coming back to check. 

Resources:

https://www.mcleanhospital.org/essential/erp

https://www.ocduk.org/overcoming-ocd/accessing-ocd-treatment/exposure-response-prevention/

https://therapyhelpers.com/therapy-types/what-is-exposure-and-response-prevention-therapy

https://www.simplypsychology.org/what-is-exposure-and-response-prevention-therapy.html

https://iocdf.org/about-ocd/treatment/erp

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Therapy 101: EMDR

If you’ve ever looked into getting therapy, then it’s likely that you’ve heard a lot of different terms thrown around to describe it. There are many different therapy techniques and modalities out there. This blog post is part of a series that is meant to explain some of the more common forms of therapy you’re likely to encounter as you look into potential therapists.

What is EMDR?

EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy. This is a form of therapy that is used primarily for treating PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) and specific phobias. It essentially works as a way of reprogramming the brain to not trigger a physical sensation (like rapid heart rate, sweating, tight breathing, etc.) usually associated with panic and anxiety. It helps allow individuals to view their past experiences without large levels of distress. 

The theory behind EMDR is that the brain cannot process the memory in a logical way and store it successfully because of the high levels of distress. By removing the physical and emotional distress associated with the memories, the brain is then able to store the event away. This allows for psychological healing. 

How Does It Work?

This form of therapy involves using some form of bilateral stimulation while the client focuses on their traumatic memory. Usually the stimulation is having the client follow the hand movements of the therapist with their eyes. However, some therapists use audio bilateral stimulation, such as tapping or headphones with audio cues. There are other forms of stimulation that can also be used, like lights. By focusing on the memory and the cue at the same time, it can help the vividness of the memory fade. This allows the brain to store the memory in a healthier way. 

EMDR is usually carried out in stages and the client is encouraged to work through one specific memory at a time. 

What are the Stages of EMDR?

There are eight stages or phases to this type of therapy. 

Phase 1: The therapist does the intake and takes the history of the client. 

Phase 2: This phase involves preparing the client for what EMDR entails. 

Phase 3: The therapist and client work together to assess which memory the client will be processing in therapy. 

Phase 4-7: This is where the bulk of the work is done. These phases involve working through the memory using bilateral stimulation in order to reprocess it. 

Phase 8: Evaluating the results. In this phase, the therapist and client work together to assess how successful the previous phases were. If successful, the client either ends treatment or the stages begin again with a new memory to process. 

But is it Effective?

There have been studies done that have shown the efficacy and effectiveness of EMDR therapy. It’s not only shown in the short-term but seems to have lasting benefits for clients. This is a short-form therapy that helps many people with their PTSD symptoms and other trauma related problems. 

How do I Find an EMDR Therapist?

Here at Compassionate Counseling Company, we do have an EMDR trained therapist! Lis works with clients using EMDR to help work through their traumatic memories. You can also use your insurance company’s database to find a therapist. 

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Therapy 101: Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

If you’ve ever looked into getting therapy, then it’s likely that you’ve heard a lot of different terms thrown around to describe it. There are many different therapy techniques and modalities out there. This blog post is part of a series that is meant to explain some of the more common forms of therapy you’re likely to encounter as you look into potential therapists. 

What Is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy?

Acceptance and commitment therapy, better known as ACT, is a 3rd wave behavior therapy that has been gaining momentum. In recent years there have been studies looking into the effectiveness of ACT for a variety of uses.

Whereas CBT focuses on changing thoughts ACT focuses more on accepting thoughts and distressing feelings as part of life. Acceptance and commitment therapy is about learning skills on coping with distress, like DBT.

How does ACT Work?

ACT has 6 primary processes that it works on. The concept is that ACT is about increasing psychological flexibility, which is meant to help with coping with negative experiences. Naturally, one of these processes is acceptance. 

Acceptance is exactly what it sounds like, it means coming to accept the negative things that happen and the negative feelings, emotions, or thoughts we may be having. ACT does not encourage avoidance of these things or trying to change negative feelings into neutral or positive ones. 

Cognitive defusion is another component of psychological flexibility. When we talk about defusion in this sense, what we mean is altering how we think about negative things. Instead of trying to avoid them or change them, the focus is on changing the negative impact they have on us. 

Being present, something that is rooted in mindfulness, is also an aspect of ACT. It encourages individuals to be present in their feelings and the current moment, even when it’s unpleasant. It encourages non-judgemental evaluations of the world around them and the world inside of them. 

Mindfulness is also part of self as concept. This is something that in ACT is used to foster a sense of self that recognizes that events occur but they do not have to define the self. This is part of acceptance and tolerance of distressing things we may be experiencing. 

Values are one of the cornerstone components of ACT in that clients are encouraged to find meaning in their lives through values that they identify. These values are used to explore clients’ behaviors. This lets them see if these behaviors line up with the values they wish to live. 

Finally, committed action is a pattern of thinking that links all of the previous concepts together. It’s using the skills learned through therapy to formulate long-term goals for living in a way that will help them live up to their values. 

What is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Used For?

ACT can be used in a variety of mental health contexts. It is often used for individuals with specific phobias, mood disorders, anxiety, and substance use disorder. ACT is also used for individuals who are experiencing high levels of stress, such as work stress, and life transitions. These transitions can include grief and loss, moving, marriage (though happy, this can still cause a lot of stress!), etc. There is also some research that has been exploring the use of ACT for individuals with chronic illness and pain. 

How do I Find an ACT Therapist?

Many therapists incorporate some form of ACT into their work. Here at Compassionate Counseling Company, we have a few! Emily, Niah, and Theresa all incorporate ACT into their work with clients. Also keep in mind that many therapists use core principles of ACT without listing themselves as using ACT. At the end of the day, it’s about your connection with a therapist and making sure your goals are aligned. 

Another way to find a therapist is to use your insurance’s provider list. You can look up the therapists in that database online to see what modalities they use with their clients!

Resources:

https://contextualscience.org/the_six_core_processes_of_act

https://positivepsychology.com/act-acceptance-and-commitment-therapy/#hero-single

https://www.socialworktoday.com/archive/090208p36.shtml

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Therapy 101: Dialectical Behavior Therapy

If you’ve ever looked into getting therapy, then it’s likely that you’ve heard a lot of different terms thrown around to describe it. There are many different therapy techniques and modalities out there. This blog post is part of a series that is meant to explain some of the more common forms of therapy you’re likely to encounter as you look into potential therapists. 

What is DBT?

DBT stands for dialectical behavioral therapy. It’s quickly becoming a very common form of therapy used by many clinicians and has many clinical studies to back up its effectiveness. Dialectical refers to the idea of reconciling two opposing thoughts, such as knowing someone has harmed you while also acknowledging they are not a bad person. 

This form of therapy was originally designed to help individuals with borderline personality disorder. BPD often comes with intense emotions and risky, usually self-destructive behavior as a result of emotional dysregulation. DBT is meant to help individuals tolerate distress more effectively and thus regulate their emotions more successfully. This in turn helps to reduce harmful behavior, such as self-harm and suicide attempts.

When followed strictly, DBT uses a combination of one-on-one therapy with a client and a trained therapist and group skills sessions. There is also a “light” form of DBT that removes the group skills sessions and involves only the one-on-one therapy.

Can DBT be Used for Other Purposes?

DBT has been shown to be effective in treating eating disorders (especially binge eating and bulimia), bipolar disorder, PTSD, and schizophrenia. It can also be used with those who have major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and other similar mental illnesses. 

How Does It Work?

Dialectical behavioral therapy approaches clients’ problems with the idea that there is some sort of skills deficit that is making it difficult for clients to cope with their emotions and things that go on. Harmful behaviors stem from high levels of distress as a result of this. Through this idea, DBT focuses on skills building and also on increasing distress tolerance in clients. 

There are four basic skills that therapists work with clients on: mindfulness, emotional regulation, distress tolerance, and interpersonal effectiveness. 

Therapists will use a variety of activities and help teach clients different ways they can work on these skills outside of the session. 

In more traditional DBT there are four stages that therapy proceeds in. It starts with helping to stabilize the client if they’re in crisis and allowing them to feel safe. The second stage focuses on exploring emotional pain. In the third stage, clients work on setting SMART goals and maintaining healthy behaviors. Finally, in the fourth stage, clients look at the big picture and work towards achieving them. 

How do I Find a Therapist?

There are many ways to find a DBT therapist. Right here at Compassionate Counseling Company we have clinicians who integrate DBT into their sessions (Niah, Kelly, Jessica, and Emily). However, if you’re looking for the more traditional form of DBT, then the DBT-Linehan Board of Certification is the best place to find one. If you plan to use insurance, make sure the provider is covered under your plan! You can use your insurance company’s provider search to check. 

Resources:

https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/treatments/22838-dialectical-behavior-therapy-dbt

https://dialecticalbehaviortherapy.com/

https://eddinscounseling.com/dbt-101-dialectical-behavior-therapy

https://www.mcleanhospital.org/essential/dbt

https://www.verywellmind.com/dialectical-behavior-therapy-1067402

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Therapy 101 : CBT

If you’ve ever looked into getting therapy, then it’s likely that you’ve heard a lot of different terms thrown around to describe it. There are many different therapy techniques and modalities out there. This blog post is part of a series that is meant to explain some of the more common forms of therapy you’re likely to encounter as you look into potential therapists. 

What is CBT?

Cognitive behavioral therapy, better known by the acronym CBT, is the most popular form of therapy used today. The focus of CBT is to address how people react to their thoughts and feelings and how these reactions then cause them to behave. The thoughts are the cognitive part and the behavior reaction is the behavioral part of CBT.

The belief of CBT is that when we have distorted thoughts we can then have maladaptive reactions to them which then make us unhappy. These reactions and behaviors then go on to contribute to worsening mental health symptoms. 

There are also many third-wave therapies based on CBT which we will cover in later posts, like DBT and ACT. 

What is CBT Used For?

CBT is used to treat a large variety of problems. It is often the first line of treatment for depression and anxiety. It has also been successfully used in individuals with bipolar, schizophrenia, eating disorders, OCD, and many more. It’s generally considered a short-form treatment, with many people finishing their sessions within a few months. 

You don’t need to have a mental illness to go to therapy and get CBT, however. It’s also been used for those with self-esteem problems, life transitions, grief and loss, relationship issues, and insomnia. 

How Does CBT Work?

One of the core focuses of cognitive behavioral therapy is distorted thinking or more formally known as cognitive distortions. These can be broken down into 15 main categories. By addressing these different types of distortions, therapists work together with their clients to form healthier thinking habits.

These thoughts can be addressed in a variety of ways. For example, many therapists employ having the clients journal about negative thoughts in order to work on them in therapy and at home. Many therapists also assist clients in setting SMART goals, which is something we discussed in a previous post about New Year’s Resolutions. 

How Can I Get This Therapy?

The majority of therapists today use either CBT or a combination of it and other modalities. Often on their profiles either on their websites or on online databases, they will list which disorders or concerns they specialize in and which modalities they use to do this. 

Finding a therapist who can help you using CBT is easier than you would think! For example, many of the clinicians working here at Compassionate Counseling Company use CBT with their clients. 

Resources:

https://www.healthline.com/health/cognitive-behavioral-therapy#takeaway

https://positivepsychology.com/cbt-cognitive-behavioral-therapy-techniques-worksheets/#hero-single

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-cognitive-behavior-therapy-2795747

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Make 2025 The Year To Focus on Mental Health

Mental health. It’s something we all need to take care of and thankfully something our society is starting to take more seriously. However, it can still be difficult to put a focus on this important aspect of our health. Things get in the way, maybe we’re embarrassed, or maybe we just don’t know where to begin. It can be intimidating to know how to focus on improving or maintaining good mental health. 

I Don’t Have a Disorder, Why Should I Care?

You don’t need to have a diagnosable mental health disorder in order to care about this aspect of health. Our physical health and our mental health are very closely linked. Neglecting one can often cause issues in the other. Staying ahead of that by putting a focus on maintaining mental health or improving it can help also maintain physical health. 

Poor mental health can also contribute to developing a diagnosable disorder. You may not have one now, but if your mental health starts to suffer and you don’t have any way of improving it, you could go on to develop depression or anxiety. Prevention in this case would have been the key. 

When our mental health is suffering, we can often let other areas of our lives slide. Relationships with others, sleep, work, these things and more can all be impacted by difficult stretches. 

How Can I Focus on Mental Health?

There are a lot of ways we can work on improving mental health. It’s important to sit down and really think about what areas of life you feel good in currently and which you think you could use more help with. For example, do you find that you have great relationships but you tend to feel overwhelmed or stressed at work? Then focusing on maintaining those relationships and improving your work stress would be a route to go down. Without knowing how you’re really doing it can be difficult to know what needs improvement and what just needs some regular maintenance. 

Some people work well with lists, be that on paper or digitally, and others work better just thinking things through or talking out loud. Whatever method works for you, use it to evaluate your current mental health strengths and weaknesses so you can build a plan going forward.

What Are Things I Can Do?

Maintaining healthy routines like exercising regularly, getting good sleep, and eating balanced meals can be a great start. It can also be good to try and work on things like breathing exercises or other grounding techniques in order to help get you through stressful moments. 

Make sure to keep your relationships strong. Technology can help a lot with this but try not to rely on it entirely. When it comes to improving mental health, face-to-face time can often be more beneficial to talking to someone through text or video call. 

If you have a pet, consider spending more time with them. Pets can help reduce blood pressure and loneliness. If you don’t have one, don’t worry! This is just one method of reducing loneliness. You can volunteer, pick up a new hobby that involves spending time with others, or just focus more on your friends and family. 

Try being more positive. This doesn’t mean to only be positive or to deny negative feelings or experiences. That’s toxic positivity and it’s usually counterintuitive. Instead, try being more positive in the sense of when good things happen, hold onto those happy feelings. Use that to try and combat small annoyances or upsets in your life and soften the blow of negative experiences. 

Practicing gratitude every day can be helpful, too. It doesn’t have to be big things that you’re grateful for. Sometimes just being grateful for your favorite kind of weather can have a positive effect on. It’s about taking the time to notice the small things in life that make it better, easier, or just more pleasant.

What if These Things Don’t Work?

If you’ve tried every improvement trick in the book, then you may need outside help. This can be either seeing a therapist or a psychiatrist for medication. Seeing a therapist can help us with improving mental health by giving up a place to talk about the difficult things with someone who is a neutral party. 

Another option, usually best done in conjunction with therapy, is seeking medication from a trained professional in psychiatric medication management. Some mental health problems need the chemical changes that come with medication in order to best manage them. If working on things on your own and with a therapist haven’t been enough to help manage your symptoms, then medication may be necessary. 

Resources:

https://www.family-institute.org/sharing-our-expertise/50-ways-improve-mental-health

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/caring-for-your-mental-health

https://medlineplus.gov/howtoimprovementalhealth.html

https://www.mhanational.org/31-tips-boost-your-mental-health

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New Year’s Resolutions Part 2: How to set SMART Goals

In our last blog post, we discussed how New Year’s Resolutions can sometimes be harmful to people’s mental health. In this post, we want to highlight how to go about setting healthy resolutions for 2025 that are achievable and are less likely to make you feel down about yourself come the end of the year. 

Set SMART Goals

Instead of setting resolutions, maybe change course and consider setting goals instead. Resolutions are often vague and have no real, measurable definition. Goals, on the other hand, are often measurable and it’s much clearer when you’ve reached a goal or not. SMART goals are especially helpful when approaching this concept. 

SMART stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound.

Specific tackles the vagueness problem with resolutions. Instead of thinking “I want to be healthier”, think about what healthy really means to you. Is it physical health? Mental health? Both? And then what does it mean to have good, or better than your current, physical or mental health. 

Measurable goes hand-in-hand with specific. If you want to eat healthier, does that mean eating a certain amount of fruits and vegetables per day? Or what about meditating a certain amount of times per week, for mental health benefits? Having a number attached to this goal helps you know if you’ve succeeded in doing it. It’s easy to say “I’m going to meditate more this year”. But how do you really know if you’ve done it more than last year unless you track it and have a number attached to it? 

Achievable means these goals have to be realistic and attainable. The goal needs to be something you, at this present moment, can do. These are not goals that your ideal self would accomplish. They are goals YOU can accomplish. 

Relevant goals are goals that make sense for you and your life. They have clear results and work within your current resources. Again, these are goals that are meant for the present you and not an ideal you.

Time-bound means they have a deadline or are time-sensitive in some way. They can’t just be open-ended because that will take some of the urgency out of your achieving these goals. For most New Year related goals, people will set the deadline at the end of the year. Does this sound too far away? Then set yourself 6 month goals, 2 month goals, 2 week goals. Whatever you feel is a reasonable amount of time that will keep you motivated is the right deadline to set. 

Mental Health Related Goals

Mental health has been a hot topic in recent years, and for good reason. More and more people are realizing the intricate connection between mental health and physical health and how these two come together for someone’s longevity and happiness. Setting goals around bettering or maintaining your mental health can be a great way to approach a new year!

Some mental health related goals you could consider working towards include: starting therapy, starting medication, meditating x-times per week, going for a walk x-times per week, making sure to connect with friends at least once a week, setting 5 minutes aside every day for some quick but effective self-care, not drinking coffee or other caffeinated beverages after 3pm (for better sleep!), journaling every day. 

You don’t have to put all (or any!) of these on your list. But consider implementing some smaller goals (like the self-care one) and working your way up from there if it seems like working on your mental health feels intimidating. 

What if it’s Too Late?

It’s never too late to start! You don’t need to set them on the 31st of December or in the first week of January. If you feel motivated and called to set new goals in June, then that’s the perfect time to start working towards them. As a society, we put a lot of cultural importance on the idea of starting new things on the first of the year or on a Monday. But there’s nothing special about any particular day of the year that will make your goals easier to achieve. The best time to start is when you’re ready to start. 

Resources:

https://centerstone.org/our-resources/health-wellness/how-new-years-resolutions-impact-mental-health/

https://www.choosingtherapy.com/new-years-resolutions

https://www.columbiapsychiatry.org/news/are-your-new-years-resolutions-faltering

https://www.everydayhealth.com/emotional-health/why-not-to-make-a-new-years-resolution

https://www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org/2020/01/realistic-new-years-resolutions-for-your-mental-health/

https://www.nami.org/people/mental-health-resolutions-for-the-new-year/

https://www.psychiatry.org/news-room/apa-blogs/americans-top-5-new-years-resolutions

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The Mental Health Consequences of New Year’s Resolutions

The year 2024 is coming to an end. Through everything, we have made it here! This is the time of year when we start reviewing how the year has gone and we start looking towards the new year. There are things we want to change or things we want to have stay the same. Many of us make resolutions to achieve these things. But are New Year’s Resolutions always the best answer? 

Why We Make Resolutions

Usually, we’re inspired to make these changes in our lives for some reason or another. Maybe we want to get healthier in some way or change habits we feel are holding us back. For some of us, we want to set some kind of goal in a skill we already have. For others, they want to gain a new skill. 

We make resolutions because we want to better ourselves in some way. But we also make them so that we can look back on the year and note if we’ve made positive progress towards something. It’s important to many people to feel as if they’ve done something good for themselves or pushed to become a better version of themselves. 

However, we also put a lot of pressure on ourselves because of the social importance of New Year’s Day. 

Why Many of us Fail 

That pressure we put on ourselves is a big contributing factor! We focus less on why we made the goal or resolution in the first place and more on how we’ll feel at the end of the year if we fail. This just sets us up for failure because we’re being motivated by fear and shame instead of something positive. 

Another reason is that many of us set vague resolutions and not measurable goals. What does “get healthier” really mean? This is so difficult to measure and understand that it can seem as if we’ve made no progress towards this goal, even if we have! It’s important to set specific goals because of this. The seeming lack of progress can be really disheartening for someone who is working hard towards something. 

Negative Mental Health Consequences of Resolutions

When we “fail” at fulfilling our New Year’s resolutions, it can feel as if we’re just stuck. Some of us can feel as if we’ll never achieve anything, never fix a bad habit, or never realize our dreams. This is incredibly difficult to deal with, especially year after year, and it can lead to anxiety and depression in some people. These negative feelings and thoughts can be really detrimental to many people. 

If we’ve failed at these same resolutions before, the anticipatory failure can also contribute to greater anxiety and depression. It can be something we dread every year and yet we still set the same goals and approach them in the same way. This generally isn’t good for most people’s mental health and it’s why many of us feel so badly by mid-March. 

There’s also an issue with the “new year, new me” approach. This encourages us to make so many changes all at once that it becomes overwhelming. This isn’t a sustainable or long-term way of approaching making positive changes in our lives. Small, incremental changes make for much better and long-lasting effects in our lives. 

Is it Possible to Set and Achieve Resolutions?

Of course! Not only is it possible in general, but it’s also possible to approach them in a healthier way that can contribute to better mental health, not worse. In next week’s blog post, we’ll be discussing how to go about setting New Year’s Goals as opposed to New Year’s Resolutions. Not that you need to set goals around a specific time! 

That’s another important thing to remember. Sometimes the best time to start working towards a new goal is June 27th, May 18th, or even December 3rd. The point is that the best time to start working towards goals is the time that you’re ready to. Trying to push yourself to set and achieve goals based on a certain day of the year is just setting yourself up for trying to achieve something you may not be mentally ready for, which sets you up for failure. 

Resources:

https://centerstone.org/our-resources/health-wellness/how-new-years-resolutions-impact-mental-health/

https://www.choosingtherapy.com/new-years-resolutions

https://www.columbiapsychiatry.org/news/are-your-new-years-resolutions-faltering

https://www.everydayhealth.com/emotional-health/why-not-to-make-a-new-years-resolution

https://www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org/2020/01/realistic-new-years-resolutions-for-your-mental-health/

https://www.nami.org/people/mental-health-resolutions-for-the-new-year/

https://www.psychiatry.org/news-room/apa-blogs/americans-top-5-new-years-resolutions

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