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Coping with Conflict

Conflict. It isn’t pretty and often can make us uncomfortable. There are a lot of reasons we don’t like conflict and we all deal with it a little bit differently. This time of year especially can bring out more conflict than usual. So before you throw an ornament at your uncle you only see twice a year because of a disagreement, let’s go over some conflict management techniques you can use instead!

Conflict – Why Does It Happen?

Usually, these things happen because of a mismatch somewhere. Either it was a mismatch in communication, values, goals, or just views on a situation. It doesn’t always have to be a bad thing but often the feelings we have that bring us to a conflict are unpleasant ones. Maybe we feel disrespected or we feel like the other person just isn’t listening to us. Sometimes it’s because we feel ignored or because we feel frustrated. When wires get crossed, it can be easy to get annoyed and let tempers flare. 

Conflict is not always negative but it also needs to be handled correctly. In the right amounts, conflict is part of any healthy relationship. We won’t always agree on everything and it’s important to stick up for yourself if you feel disrespected. However, it doesn’t have to be, and shouldn’t be, a screaming fest, either. 

How Can We Handle Things Healthily?

Next week we’ll be discussing more in depth about different conflict management styles. But to give you a head start before Christmas, we can go over some basics this week. 

One important aspect of conflict management is to try and stay as calm and level headed as possible. If you’re really mad and just cannot calm down enough to discuss something without yelling or calling names, it may be best to walk away from the situation until you do calm down. Go for a walk, practice some meditation, or do whatever you usually engage in to handle stress or difficult emotions. There are certain things we can’t take back once we’ve said them and it could be in the best interest of the relationship to delay the conversation until both parties are calm enough to handle the discussion. 

Another important aspect is to understand what really is bothering you about the situation. Is it that you feel disrespected? That you feel something is unfair? That someone has hurt your feelings? Having a good understanding of why you’re upset will help you best be able to communicate that to the other person(s). 

What If That Doesn’t Help?

If you find you’re having a lot of problems with conflict, it may be for the best to reach out to someone to help. A therapist can help with clearing up communication issues you may be having and could help strengthen those skills. Or maybe you need a neutral party to mediate between you and another party. A therapist can help there, too. 

It’s important to understand that while conflict is healthy and normal, it shouldn’t be happening all of the time and it’s not okay for someone to be making you feel badly all the time. You also should not be the only one compromising every time, either. Therapy can help with all of these things!

Come back next week for a more in depth post about different styles of conflict management!

Resources:

https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/communication/conflict-resolution-skills

https://extension.psu.edu/dealing-with-conflict

https://sas.uaa.uw.edu/husky-experience/know-yourself/healthy-ways-to-handle-conflict

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Transition Stress: The Anxiety of Change and How to Cope

As we approach the end of the year, there’s so many things on our minds. Many of us are planning holiday parties or get togethers. Many are wondering what to gift, make, or how they’ll spend their time. And often we think about changes we want to make in our lives. The end of the year really makes us sit and think about things ending, changing, or transitioning. Of course it can make us excited or hopeful but these transitions can also be stressful. 

Why Do Transitions Feel So Stressful?

The short answer is that we don’t really love change, even if change is good for us. It can be difficult to go from thinking about something one way to then thinking about it a new way. It takes time to adjust to that and it can be stressful, depending on what it is. And if the changes we’re implementing come with new routines or schedules, that can make things even more difficult for us. 

We love patterns. It’s how our brains evolved to work and finding patterns in things makes us comfortable. There’s safety in knowing what’s going to happen next. If it’s a transition we weren’t expecting or had no choice over, it can add a feeling of helplessness and loss of control that makes it difficult to cope. This can cause some serious anxiety when thinking about the transition or changes that are coming. 

What Kind of Transitions Can Affect Us?

Technically, anything that brings change to our lives can affect us and stress us out. Moving, changing jobs, having a baby, and getting married tend to be the big ones that people think about. But consider how for children, the end of the year signals the end of a school semester. For some of them, it means potentially not having friends in any of their classes when the new semester starts. Maybe it means a new teacher they’re never met before. Even though these things aren’t necessarily bad, they can absolutely affect someone’s mental health. 

Making changes to our health can also cause stress. Maybe you’re cutting back on caffeine. Some people experience withdrawals from this that can be pretty unpleasant, including headaches. It also means a change in your routine of not going to the coffee shop as often or making something different in the morning to drink at home. These are little things that can add up if you’re already struggling with other things. 

Is There Anything We Can Do?

We can’t avoid change, not forever. Change is good for us in the long run even if it doesn’t feel good at the moment. Some stress management techniques can help in the moment for dealing with these uncomfortable feelings. We’ve explored some of these techniques in a previous post about grounding techniques. These can be used if you feel overwhelmed or very anxious due to these changes. 

Another option is to talk to someone you trust. Leaning on social supports during times of transition can be especially helpful. They often understand the impact these things can have on you and are likely to be able to support you through tough transitions. They can be there to remind you of the reasons this will be good in the end and they can also help you cope. 

However, if talking to a loved one doesn’t help, consider reaching out to a therapist. Many people go to therapy just to help cope with transitions and changes. It can help to get someone neutral to chime in on what’s going on and to help listen to you. 

Change doesn’t have to be difficult to cope with long term and there are options out there for help dealing with them. But do remember that it’s normal to struggle with change and that it’s normal to be anxious during these moments. 

Resources:

https://blog.calm.com/blog/transition-anxiety

https://balancedthoughtstherapy.com/blog/why-are-transitions-so-stressful

https://bettertogethertherapy.co/what-are-the-psychological-effects-of-transition

https://www.crusescotland.org.uk/about-us/news-and-blogs/the-impact-of-transitions-and-how-to-cope-with-them

https://marblewellness.com/post/why-are-life-transitions-so-hard-navigating-change-with-resilience/

https://manhattancbt.com/life-transitions/

https://psychcentral.com/anxiety/how-to-manage-anxiety-during-periods-of-transition#definition

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The Mental Health Benefits of Counseling

Almost every week, we mention how speaking to a therapist or counselor can be of benefit for addressing a variety of needs. However, this is the first time we’ll be addressing the benefits of counseling more closely. Of course it can be used to address specific mental health disorders but it also has more far reaching benefits than just helping people to cope with mental illness.

What is Therapy?

Therapy, or counseling, often refers to talk-therapy or talk-psychotherapy. This is a form of treatment which involves speaking to a trained professional about a problem you’re having. The professional then uses evidence based practices to help you build skills to then address whatever concern brought you to therapy.

One of the main benefits of counseling is that there is no one size fits all approach. There are so many different forms of therapy. For example, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is one of the most well-known forms. And many people often think of psychodynamic or psychoanalytic therapy when they first imagine therapy (you know, Freud and a couch). 

However, there is also ACT, DBT, EMDR, ERT, and many, many more. Many of these forms of therapy were developed to target specific mental disorders or problems that people may be having. Motivational Interviewing (MI), for example, was developed for addressing substance use disorder. 

What Does Therapy Help With?

There are many benefits of counseling to consider. Of course, it can help with mental illness, such as depression or anxiety disorders. However, it can also help with things like coping with grief or loss, dealing with stress, handling transitions, and other issues people may be facing. 

Therapy can also help with working on self-esteem, problem solving skills, self-confidence, and coping with rough patches in your life. Most people who go to therapy only do so for a short period of time, usually to help resolve a current issue such as the death of a loved one. 

People also seek out therapy to help with communication skills, relationship problems, and for help addressing conflicts they may be facing in life. 

How Do I Find a Therapist?

Word of mouth is an excellent way of finding a therapist. Ask around and see if you can get recommendations from doctors or people you know who have gone to therapy. Your insurance provider is also a great resource for finding a therapist as that will be the easiest way to insure that the cost of your sessions will be covered. 

We have a large list of clinicians here that are also an option for those looking into the benefits of counseling and considering getting counseling themselves. 

Resources:

https://www.avila.edu/2022/12/13/5-benefits-of-working-with-a-mental-health-counselor/

https://www.coe.edu/student-life/health-wellness/mental-health-counseling/potential-benefits-counseling

https://www.harmonyridgerecovery.com/10-benefits-of-mental-health-counseling

https://www.healthline.com/health/benefits-of-therapy

https://www.mhanational.org/therapy

https://positivepsychology.com/counseling-process

https://online.sbu.edu/news/5-ways-mental-health-counseling-builds-stronger-communities

https://www.verywellhealth.com/benefits-of-therapy-5219732

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Supporting the Mental Health of Children and Teens in Foster Care

According to the Administration for Children and Families, at the end of 2022 there were 368,500 children in foster care. While this is a decrease from previous years, that is still many children and teens who are facing unique struggles. One big concern for this population is the potential impact on their mental health. However, there are things that can be done to help support the mental health of children and teens who are in this population.  

What is Foster Care?

Foster care is a system that many countries utilize to care for children who have been removed from their families of origin. In many cases, children are removed due to what is usually considered a temporary situation. For example, the caregiving parent is in prison or has a substance use disorder. Once the home is deemed safe again for the child(ren), they ideally would be going back to their parents’ care. 

Children are placed with families who are to act as a temporary family for the child. The adult(s) are meant to give as much care and love to these children as they would their own and to help the children retain as much of their normal routines as possible. 

What are the Struggles of Foster Care for Children?

Being removed from their homes can be a very difficult experience for children. There is a level of grief that comes along with this process. This could be compounded if they are separated from their siblings because of foster care placements. While the goal is to attempt to keep them together, this is not always possible and the children need to go to separate homes. Sometimes, only one child will be removed from the home while others stay. 

They may also have been experiencing neglect or abuse in their family of origin. If they witnessed violence at home or witnessed substance abuse, this is another factor that could affect their mental health. Another compounding factor is that sometimes children are moved from foster placement to foster placement. This makes it difficult for them to be able to create meaningful bonds with other people, especially caring adults. 

What Can be Done?

Having mental health care available to this population is incredibly important. Access to therapy or some kind of therapeutic mentorship can help support their mental health as much as possible. It can also help to identify potential mental health disorders before they become more problematic for the child. 

It’s also important to try and make sure that the child has at least one consistent adult in their life. For example, a therapeutic mentor or being able to stay in the same foster home for as long as possible. Having one stable, caring adult can be incredibly important for children, but especially those in foster care. 

Children in foster care can thrive if given the right resources. Keeping in mind the needs of these children and making efforts to support their mental health can make all the difference in their lives.

Resources:

https://www.aap.org/en/patient-care/foster-care/mental-and-behavioral-health-needs-of-children-in-foster-care

https://www.apa.org/monitor/2023/03/hope-for-foster-kids

https://share.upmc.com/2023/12/mental-health-needs-of-children-in-foster-care

https://www.verywellmind.com/the-mental-health-effects-of-living-in-foster-care-5216614

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Grounding Techniques For When Things Get Hard

Last week, we discussed how the upcoming holidays can be a source of stress for many people. They can also contribute to anxiety for many people, as well. This time of year also comes with finals (if you’re still in school) or large projects at our jobs. All of these things can contribute to climbing anxiety, which can sometimes be difficult to cope with. We wanted to share some information about grounding techniques this week to help provide a way to stay on top of things before anxiety reaches its peak for many.

What are Grounding Techniques?

Grounding techniques are exercises we perform in order to bring ourselves back to the present when worry or anxiety takes over. They can help center us and relieve some of that anxiety and bring it back down to more manageable levels. Some anxiety can be good for us, as it plays a part in motivation. However, when we’re consumed by anxiety or worry, it becomes detrimental to our ability to function. 

The ability to practice some kind of mindfulness in those moments in order to bring us back to the present and outside of our worries is an important coping technique. We need to be able to recenter and let some of that anxiety pass. There are a variety of grounding techniques we can use to do this, with some being more active than others. 

What are Some Techniques I Can Use?

A very simple grounding technique involves just closing your eyes, putting your hands flat on a surface (like a desk or table) and putting your feet flat on the ground. If you’re sitting in a chair while doing this, press your back into the chair, too. Then just take a few deep, centering breaths. This can be as many as you need in order to feel calm enough again to continue with what you need to be doing. 

Another technique that is common and simple is the 5-4-3-2-1 method. This is where you center yourself in this anxious moment by counting five things you’re able to see, four things you’re able to feel, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. This technique can take mere seconds to perform and can help really bring you back to the present and lessen intense anxiety. 

You can also hold something and really focus on the feeling of it. Is it cold? Smooth? What is it made of? Is it heavy? By focusing on this one item, it can help calm your system by forcing yourself to slow down and stop thinking about the worrying thoughts. 

In our resources listed below there are also many other examples of effective and easy grounding techniques you can use whenever anxiety creeps up.

What if Grounding Techniques Aren’t Enough?

If you find your anxiety or worry is not responding to grounding techniques or if it’s happening very often, you may need more help. Consider talking to someone you trust about your worries. Some people need to reach out to a counselor for therapy revolving anxiety and some people may need medication to help control their anxiety.

Some anxiety is perfectly normal, but if you’re always feeling on edge and anxious, it may be a sign you need to reach out and get more specialized care than what you can do at home. 

Resources:

https://drsarahallen.com/7-ways-to-calm/

https://www.goodrx.com/health-topic/mental-health/grounding-techniques-anxiety-coping

https://healthline.com/health/grounding-techniques

https://www.innermelbpsychology.com.au/grounding-exercises

https://toolkit.lifeline.org.au/articles/techniques/finding-relief-through-grounding-techniques

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The Holidays, Mental Health, and You

Holidays. They can be tricky for a lot of people. Most people love the holidays to some extent. Other people can’t stand them. However, the majority of people can agree that this period of time is one of the most stressful parts of the year, regardless of what or how you celebrate. Mental health can be affected in so many ways by this season, some of those ways are good and others are bad. 

Holidays: The Good, the Bad, the Ugly

There’s lots to love about the holidays. Getting extra time to spend with people you care about, seeing how the neighborhoods get transformed by decorations, and many people look forward to special meals or foods that are only made at this time. Sometimes we get breaks from responsibilities, like from school or work. 

But it can be difficult, too. For some people, the holidays mean having to spend time with people they’re uncomfortable around. Or maybe they have no one to spend the holidays with. It can be a reminder of what people no longer have or what they fear they may never have. The extra demands on peoples’ time can also be stressful and difficult to work around. Maybe some family members overstep boundaries, maybe you struggle with substance use disorder or an eating disorder which makes these holidays difficult. Maybe you’re tired of hearing questions about when you’re going to get married, or buy a house, or have a baby. 

It can also be difficult financially for people. This is a time of year when we are fed a lot of consumerist advertising, even more so than usual. It pushes the idea that we are not doing enough, showing enough love or care, not living up to expectations, whatever it may be if we don’t spend money. Money on gifts, beautiful decor, lavish meals. Or maybe money on plane tickets to go see distant family, even if we can’t afford it. 

All of these things can cause stress! Even the good things can. We may be worried about everyone enjoying what we’ve made. Or maybe we worry about making everyone comfortable. But worry can lead to stress, especially if there is a LOT of worry going on. 

You don’t need to have a mental health disorder to feel the extra strain that this time of year can put on people. But it does tend to exacerbate many mental health symptoms. This is a time of year that can increase depression, anxiety, or any other number of conditions. 

Taking Care of Yourself 

Your mental health should be a priority all year long, but especially right now. This is the time to examine your boundaries and make sure you’re setting healthy ones and enforcing them. Stick to your routines that you already know work. Exercise? Keep it up! Enjoy the delicious foods on offer, but don’t eat more than you’re used to. Not only can it come with feelings of guilt and shame, it can also just physically make you feel unwell. That can make you feel even more mentally unwell. 

If you take medication, continue it as prescribed. Discuss with your care team if you feel you need a little extra help in this department at this time of year. 

Remember that you don’t have to say yes to anything and everything. You don’t even have to say yes to going somewhere for the holidays. While isolating yourself can contribute to feelings of loneliness and depression, going to a home where you’re uncomfortable, judged, or may not even be safe is also not mentally healthy. Make alternate plans, if possible, to avoid spending the holidays alone, but remember that however you choose to spend them, you don’t have to feel guilty about not going home if it’s not a good place for you. 

You also don’t have to answer questions if they make you sad, uncomfortable, or angry. You can insist that it’s not something you want to talk about (“I don’t want to talk about this topic” or “Please respect that this isn’t something I want to discuss”). If someone cannot respect that, you have every right to walk away from the situation. 

The holidays can be a great time for many people, but if you just feel like you need to survive it, that’s okay. Care for yourself and give yourself the grace you deserve if this is a hard time of year. If you need to, talk to someone you trust. This can be a family member, a friend, or even a therapist. But remember that you deserve to prioritize your mental health at this time of year.

Resources

https://afsp.org/story/from-thanksgiving-to-new-year-s-protecting-your-mental-health-during-the-holidays

https://gwtoday.gwu.edu/protecting-your-mental-health-over-thanksgiving-and-winter-break

Protecting Your Mental Health During Thanksgiving

https://www.nami.org/complimentary-health-approaches/managing-your-mental-health-during-the-holidays/

https://www.nextstep.doctor/5-tips-for-safeguarding-your-mental-health-this-thanksgiving/

https://trustmentalhealth.com/blog/protecting-your-mental-health-on-thanksgiving

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The Importance of Work-Life Balance

A lot of people struggle with having proper balance between their lives and their work. It can be easy, especially in our always on the go, keep pushing for more, and goals/financially motivated society to feel like work is allowed to take over our lives. But a work-life balance is important. There are a lot of potential negative consequences that can happen when we don’t prioritize our lives outside of work more than or at least as much as our lives at work. 

What IS a Work-Life Balance, Anyways?

Simply put, work-life balance is when you’re able to balance your work priorities and obligations with the things you both need and want to do outside of work. It means meeting your deadlines or work goals while also investing time in yourself, getting things done at home, and spending time with the ones you love. 

This is going to look different for everyone! We all have our own hierarchy for what matters most to us. This can also change over our lives. What we prioritize at 25 is likely going to look different for when we’re 35. So this is definitely something to assess over time to make sure your work-life still aligns with your needs, values, and goals. 

Consequences of Being Out of Balance

Stress, to put it simply, can be one of the most immediate consequences of not having a good work-life balance. Stress can then go on to affect us in other ways. 

Like:

  • Irritability
  • Depression
  • Aches and pains, like headaches
  • Stomach problems
  • Relationship issues
  • Productivity problems
  • More likely to become ill 
  • Blood pressure and other heart problems
  • Exacerbate chronic health conditions
  • Trouble sleeping
  • Problems with eating (too much or too little)
  • Overspending or risky behavior to cope with stress
  • Substance use (like drinking more than usual) to cope with stress
  • Burnout

And that’s not even an exhaustive list! However, it’s clear to see how having a poor work-life balance can affect you not just at home, but at work, too. Looking at the list, it makes it clear how counterproductive it is to focus solely on work at the expense of your mental and physical health. It’ll only affect your work poorly, too!

What Can I Do?

Working on achieving a better work-life balance is going to depend pretty heavily on your specific goals and priorities. However, the first step will be the same for everyone. Step back and really consider how you spend your time every day and every week. Are you happy with it? What areas do you wish you could spend more time in? Is it hobbies, family, or something else? Once you have answers to these questions, it’s easy to see where to tweak things to bring things more in balance with what you personally are looking for in life.

For example, if you feel like you bring work home with you a lot, either literally (finishing paperwork, emailing, etc) or mentally (worrying about projects, thinking about responsibilities, etc) then it may be time to consider setting some boundaries around work when you’re at home. If it’s simply not possible to not bring physical work home with you, set yourself a time limit for how much you’ll spend on it each day. This can help you balance out how you spend the rest of your day.

Do you feel overwhelmed with what you have to do at home? Enlist help from those who live with you, if possible. Splitting up chores so it doesn’t all fall on one or two people who also have busy work lives can really help with alleviating the feelings of “work never ends”, even if it isn’t your job that seems to be following you around. 

If you feel comfortable and safe to, talk to your boss or co-workers. You may be surprised to know that others at work also feel the same way you do. Working together to come up with a better workplace culture that can support a healthier work-life balance for everyone can be more effective than trying to tackle it alone. 

If even after working on getting your life more balanced you still feel like you’re struggling with stress, overwhelm, depression, or other negative feelings then consider reaching out to a therapist. 

Resources:

https://www.camh.ca/en/camh-news-and-stories/achieving-work-life-balance

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/burnout/art-20046642

https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/explore-mental-health/a-z-topics/work-life-balance

https://mhanational.org/4mind4body-work-life-balance

https://www.mhanational.org/work-life-balance

https://oaksintcare.org/how-work-life-balance-impacts-mental-health/

https://www.webmd.com/balance/balancing-work-and-family

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Daylight Savings Time and Why We Hate It

That time is looming around the corner yet again. No, we don’t mean the holidays (though that will come in a later blog!). We mean Daylight Savings Time. While some people love getting the extra hour during “fall back”, others don’t find it so great. And almost everyone can agree that “spring forward” is the worst. But why is it that we have such a difficult time with DST?

Daylight Savings Time, the Circadian Rhythm, and You

Why do we even do DST in the first place? Honestly, it’s from a time when energy consumption from lights was a larger drain on the economy than it is today. It was first implemented during the end of WWI, came back during WWII, and then was brought back in the 60’s and never went away. These were originally all conservation efforts due to war time rationing. Currently, we do it mostly out of habit.

The circadian rhythm is an innate clock within every animal. We all have sleep and wake cycles that are controlled by this little part of our brain. Not only does it control that, but we even have cycles for hunger, pain tolerance, strength, and blood sugar. Among many others! 

The circadian rhythm controls an awful lot in our bodies and is often triggered by light. Light in the morning triggers most people to be awake and get going while fading light and darkness at night trigger our brains to start slowing down and get ready for bed. 

The problem with DST is that it interferes with our natural circadian rhythms. This is why we often have such a difficult time adjusting to these changes.  Our bodies have a natural cycle they want to follow and a biological clock that determines these. But then we have a social clock that is inconsistent with these messages and also changes twice a year. 

Why DST Feels Bad

The argument for keeping DST in the fall is that it gives us more evening light to enjoy things. The problem with this is that is fundamentally messes with our circadian rhythm! We need the light in the morning to let us know that it’s time to be awake and get things done. By making it so that we start our days in the dark, it can be hard to really get going in the morning for most people.

To make it worse, by having it stay light out later in the day, we don’t get the normal signals we need to go to bed. It tricks us into wanting to stay up later. This makes it hard to get into that new routine. 

It’s not surprising that we see an uptick in traffic accidents at night during the beginning of DST in the fall! And in the morning for the spring, we also see an uptick in traffic accidents. Not only this, but doctors have even found that the incidence of heart attacks and strokes go up in the days following the DST switch.

All of this can be attributed to the stress that these changes put on our biological clocks and, subsequently, our bodies. The way it impacts our sleep isn’t healthy. But unfortunately, there isn’t much we can do while it’s still law. 

What Can We Do About It?

Keeping to your routine as much as possible is important. Stick with your regular sleeping schedule, even though it may be tempting to stay up later or sleep in later. Buying a lightbox can also help if you’re really feeling the lack of vitamin D and light that we would normally be getting from outside.

Self-care can be really important, especially self-care around sleep. Make sure you’re getting the rest you need, especially in the first week or two of the time change. This can make all the difference in the transition!

If you find you’re prone to winter blues or depression with a seasonal pattern, now is the time to be proactive about it. For those with depression, reach out to your care team about considering medication changes or additions to stay ahead. If it’s winter blue, check out our blog post that discusses both of these!

And of course, if you find yourself struggling, reaching out to a therapist can always be helpful. 

Resources:

https://www.health.com/mind-body/dst-mental-health

https://www.healthline.com/health-news/daylight-saving-time-and-seasonal-depression#What-causes-seasonal-depression

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/its-not-just-in-your-head/202403/the-effect-of-daylight-saving-time-on-your-health

https://publichealth.jhu.edu/2023/7-things-to-know-about-daylight-saving-time

https://utswmed.org/medblog/daylight-saving-time-sleep-health

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The Mental Health Benefits of Friends

Friendship. It’s a common thing people have, want, and work to maintain. However, we don’t often talk about the ways friendship can benefit us. And we don’t mean in an exploitative sense! We mean the mental health benefits. There are many ways friends can benefit our mental health and this post is meant to help pin down some of the mental health benefits of friends. 

Why do Friendships Matter?

Maybe this is an obvious one and maybe it isn’t. But it’s difficult to really pinpoint why people want friends. According to the science, though, friendships benefit us in a lot of different ways. Not only are there physical benefits to having friends, there are also the mental health benefits of friends that we have to think about, too. 

Friends provide us an outlet for the things we need to talk about. This can help us with processing and coping with stress, grief, anger, and any other negative emotion. They give us that support and the lack of judgement we need in order to be open with our own feelings. This helps in so many ways because we know that bottling up feelings can have many negative consequences, including health ones!

Friends also give us a way of not feeling isolated or lonely. Isolation is a big factor in a lot of mental health conditions and one of the best ways to help alleviate some of the symptoms of these is to reduce feelings of isolation. Good friends will want to spend time with you regardless of how you’re feeling. This can help foster feelings of belonging and give us meaning, another great mental health benefit of friends. 

Not only all this, but friends can just help make us happier. When we’re happier, we also tend to be more self-confident and are more likely to take care of ourselves. Often, they can be good role models for us, encouraging us to try new and better things. 

Are all Friendships Good Friendships?

Unfortunately, no. Sometimes our friends can be harmful. They may have destructive habits that encourage our own (like heavy drinking, for example). Or maybe they make you feel small, unappreciated, or just bad. Some friends take advantage of us, talk down to us, or just overall are not good friends. They may not be willing to support you when you need them. They may only want to be around when you’re feeling your best. 

In these cases, it’s best to sit back and consider if the friendship is worth continuing. Maybe if they’re just a good time friend, you can keep them as an acquaintance you see sometimes to go to the movies with or some other fun activity. But if they’re the kind of friend that leaves you not feeling good about yourself, it may be best to cut ties. There are so many mental health benefits of friends but those are for GOOD friends (and by good, we mean good for you!) not all friends in general. 

But How do I Make Friends?

This definitely gets harder as we get older and are no longer in school. It’s easier to make friends when you’re around people all the time who are likely to have some of the same interests. This is especially true in college when it comes to career goals or intellectual interests. However, as we enter the workforce and become exposed to many more kinds of people, it’s harder and harder to make friends.

If your work isn’t remote, think about your co-workers. If there’s anyone you’ve noticed you get along with more than others, it may be worthwhile to try and get to know them better and maybe even spend some time together outside of work. If your work is remote, this may be a little harder. 

For those who work remotely or who don’t really click with any of their co-workers, it’s a good idea to look into local classes at the library or similar learning events. Always wanted to learn how to bake? Take a class! You may be able to make a friend there. You can also make friends at other places you enjoy, like the gym, yoga, or anywhere you spend a lot of recreational time. 

How do I Maintain Friendships?

Reach out! Don’t always be the one that they have to contact. You don’t have to talk to someone everyday in order to maintain closeness, but it’s important to show that you’re making an effort to stay in their circle. That they mean something to you. Even if all you do is send them a message with something that reminded you of them, it could be the beginning of a new conversation and more closeness.

Try to do things face-to-face if possible. This may be hard if your friends have scattered all around following careers. Thanks to technology, we have video chats, lots of ways to send messages, and other ways of keeping in touch. But this may not always help to keep the closeness of friendship maintained. If you’re able to see someone in person, try to! It’s a great way to keep close friends close. 

Limitations

Friendship has a lot of benefits and friends can do a lot of good. While there are certainly many mental health benefits of friends, they can’t solve everything for us. And they shouldn’t. It’s important to understand that we can’t solely rely on our friends for everything, especially putting everything all on one or two specific friends. Sometimes, our problems may be too big for our friends. 

That’s when therapy can be helpful! If you find that you’re still struggling, even with having a great supportive social network, then consider reaching out for some counseling. 

Resources:

https://www.everydayhealth.com/emotional-health/social-support.aspx

https://www.healthline.com/health/benefits-of-friendship#making-friends

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/friendships/art-20044860

https://www.verywellmind.com/the-importance-of-friendship-3024371

https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/psychological-benefits-of-friendship

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Cancer and Mental Health

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, which is arguably one of the most discussed cancers in the media. There is a large push to get those assigned female at birth to check themselves regularly for lumps or anything that may feel out of the ordinary. Regular breast screenings are incredibly important to your overall health as early detection of cancer is critical for the best outcomes with treatment. However, one thing that is often not discussed is how cancer and mental health can intersect. 

Cancer and Mental Health

Receiving a cancer diagnosis of any kind can be absolutely life changing and devastating. This is not only true for the patient themselves but also for their loved ones. Many of the treatments can be difficult on the body and certain cancers carry with them lower chances of survival, especially if caught late. 

Some of the most common concerns with cancer and mental health are anxiety and depression, with social isolation as a result of cancer being a risk factor for worsening mental health. 

Many cancer patients experience fear, uncertainty, anger, and disbelief after a cancer diagnosis. There can be a sense of “why me” or “did I do something to deserve this?” This can be especially true for cancers such as lung cancer, which are often related to smoking. However, it is important to understand that no one deserves to get cancer and that doctors are still unsure as to why some people develop it while others don’t. 

Because of the serious nature of a cancer diagnosis, it can be difficult to talk to others about it. This can help contribute to isolation and loneliness. Sometimes cancer patients avoid talking about it out of fear of making others uncomfortable and sometimes it’s because they themselves don’t want to talk about it. It can be helpful to broach the topic with those closest to you just to get their support, if you’re comfortable with it. 

All the feelings someone could have around a cancer diagnosis are perfectly normal. There is nothing inherently wrong with feeling anxious, sad, angry, or any other negative emotion as a result of a diagnosis of this kind. However, when those feelings start to make life more difficult or are getting in the way of quality of life, it’s time to reach out for more support. 

When to Reach Out

Some mental health disorders can be difficult to distinguish from symptoms of cancer or side effects from treatment. For example, depression. Sadness from a cancer diagnosis is perfectly normal and those feelings will wax and wane over time. Depression, however, is much more serious and could require treatment for the best outcomes. 

  • Signs to look out for:
    • Fatigue
    • Changes in appetite
    • Weight loss or gain
    • Changes in sleep patterns
    • Irritability
    • Feeling hopeless
    • Feeling worthless
    • Extreme levels of guilt (out of proportion)

If you feel you may want to harm yourself or are thinking of killing yourself, reach out to your care team ASAP to get help with these feelings. There are many options available for help. 

The standard treatments for depression are something we’ve covered in our blog post about major depressive disorder. However, it is important to know that when it comes to cancer and mental health, one needs to consider the specific ways in which depression can impact treatment and quality of life and how cancer can contribute to MDD. 

Taking care of mental health is associated with better mental health outcomes, possibly because of the likelihood of adhering to treatment and being open to learning more about the diagnosis and what can be done. Being more proactively involved in your treatment plan can make a difference for long-term outcomes. 

How Does Cancer Contribute to Depression?

There are many things about a cancer diagnosis that can impact the likelihood of developing depression. One of the major things is the sense of loneliness and feeling like there’s no one you can open to. It’s incredibly isolating to feel as if you have to hide large parts of yourself from loved ones. 

Other factors include:

  • Body image (self conscious because of bodily changes)
  • Guilt (“Did I do something for this to happen?”)
  • Change in daily activities and plans
  • Change in energy levels
  • Pain
  • The fear of dying
  • Anxiety and panic due to uncertainty and fear
  • Fear of cancer coming back after treatment
  • Fear of what will happen to family
  • Anxiety over medical costs
  • Not being able to work
  • The need for others to help care for them (loss of independence)
  • Long hospital stays

It is worth mentioning that these things can also contribute to worsening mental health of the loved ones of a cancer patient. If someone in your life has been diagnosed with cancer and you feel as if you may be becoming depressed, reach out to someone for more support. 

What Can Help Support Mental Health?

There are many different things someone can do to help support or improve their mental health after a cancer diagnosis. With cancer and mental health support, it’s important that your cancer care team is part of some of these choices. Depending on your health and needs, some options may not be suitable, so get guidance from your care team before making any major changes. 

Somethings you can do:

  • Support groups
  • Therapy
  • Medication
  • Mindfulness practices like
    • Meditation
    • Journaling
    • Yoga
    • Breathing exercises
  • Eating balanced, nutritious meals
  • Light exercise, if possible (check with your care team)
  • Seeking out social support from loved ones
  • Pastoral counseling, for those who are spiritual, can be very helpful
  • Spending time with pets/animals
  • Keeping to your normal routine within reasonable limitations

It can also be helpful to ask the care team where you go for appointments or treatment about what options they have at the facility to help support cancer and mental health together. It could be that there are options you’re not even aware of that are there!

Things to ask about:

  • Therapy dogs at the facility you attend for treatment
  • Counselors at the facility you attend
  • Social workers who can connect you to counselors, especially those who specialize in the mental health needs of cancer patients

Cancer can be a life changing diagnosis, especially if caught in the later stages. However, people are living longer and with higher quality of life even with advanced cancer than they ever have before. While all feelings around cancer are valid, you don’t have to suffer with poor mental health, too. Make sure to seek out help, whether you’re the patient or a loved one. When it comes to cancer and mental health, you have options to take care of yourself and support the best quality of life for yourself. 

Resources:

https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/coping/feelings

https://www.cancer.org/cancer/survivorship/coping/support-service-animals.html

https://www.cancer.org/cancer/managing-cancer/side-effects/emotional-mood-changes.html

https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/treatment/coping-with-treatment/cancer-and-your-emotions

https://www.mhanational.org/cancer-and-mental-health

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