Men’s Mental Health

By: Kerry Moran

June is Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month and we decided to bring you a blog post about this. Here we detail some of the statistics, potential reasoning behind those statistics, and what can be done to help. Men’s mental health is an important topic in the mental health world and yet is severely misunderstood.

Many people in the United States are diagnosed with a mental illness every year. However, women are diagnosed almost twice as often as men with depression and other mental health disorders. It can be easy to look at that and think that women are just more prone to mental illness. Despite that, men make up almost 80% of all suicides each year, making them 4x as likely to complete suicide. Why is that, if they’re not being diagnosed at a higher rate than women?

There are many things to consider when it comes to this statistic. At least 1 in 10 men experience depression, but less than half seek treatment. This means that while women have higher rates of diagnosis, there are many men going undiagnosed every year. Men also make up 10% of bulimia and anorexia diagnoses and 35% of binge eating diagnoses each year. However, we also know that men are less likely to seek care, which means these figures could be higher.

A blue image with gold text that reads "Why do men fall through the cracks?" There is a silhouette of a man along with gold and blue details.

Why Does Men’s Mental Health Fall Through the Cracks?

So why do men so often fall through the cracks? Societal stigma against mental illness cannot be ignored. It’s what keeps so many people, regardless of gender, from seeking mental health care. Until this is something we eliminate as a society, there will always be people who go untreated for mental illness. We also have very strict societal ideas about what men should be and how they should act. This includes being non-emotional, that anger is an acceptable solution to many problems, that heavy drinking is normal. And, of course, that men shouldn’t cry. These factors not only contribute to why men don’t seek mental health care but also actively harm their mental health.

We don’t socialize men to be able to recognize their feelings or discuss them. This means they’re more likely to lack the verbiage to be able to clearly say that they need help. Sometimes, as a society, we can downplay when someone says they’re not feeling well if it doesn’t seem serious. It’s likely that because of the lack of socioemotional education for men that they have a hard time expressing just how seriously unwell they’re feeling. On the outside, it can look like they’re just having a bad day. However, inside, they could be very seriously depressed.

They’re also not socialized to have these types of conversations with each other. Often, we showcase that men should have relationships with other men based on shared hobbies. This makes it difficult to “ruin the fun” and bring up something difficult during what is supposed to be a low-key outing. They’re also not encouraged to ask other people, especially men, about how they’re feeling. This can lead to the false sense that men don’t suffer. Or, that they don’t recognize the suffering of others. Neither of these things are true.

Mental health affects men in many different areas of their lives, which could then contribute to worsening mental health. For example, it can affect their work lives and make their jobs difficult or cause lower productivity or job satisfaction. It can result in problems in romantic or platonic relationships, which can contribute to loneliness in men. It can also affect their families who may experience the brunt of some of the symptoms that many men experience.

There is also the issue that men’s symptoms, especially for depression, most often present as physical. For example, they often report headaches, digestive issues, fatigue, or general aches and pains as opposed to low mood. This means they’re more likely to seek help for what they perceive as a physical ailment from a doctor than reach out to a mental health professional for depression. They also often have a difficult time distinguishing depression from stress, as they present very similarly in men, and often have similar causes (relationship problems, work issues, family dynamics, etc.).

We also see that men are more likely to self-medicate when they’re depressed or anxious. This means they turn to drugs and alcohol more often. Unfortunately, it is considered societally normal for men to use alcohol to deal with stress or difficulties, which can encourage this behavior but also means that depression is going unnoticed. We see it as a man just trying to unwind from a hard day as opposed to a man experiencing depression. Even worse, these methods of self-medicating often make the problem worse, causing a vicious cycle.

Not only this, but physicians and mental health care providers are also less likely to realize the severity of symptoms in men. This is partially due to how gender differences play into presentation of symptoms but also due to inherent bias that all of us carry with us in our everyday lives. There is an unspoken understanding that men just don’t experience depression as often and so when they seek help, they are more likely to be dismissed as the problem being less severe than it actually is. Often, men are blamed for their own symptoms by society, with a focus being on their attitudes about mental health and masculinity (which are all influenced by the cultures in which they live).

We do not focus on addressing these societal issues and instead focus on how those experiencing mental illness should do better. Especially paired with how their symptoms are often different, these men who do seek care often do not get the level of care they need. In fact, almost half of all men who died by suicide sought mental health care in the year before completing suicide. Clearly, there is something missing in how health care professionals, including mental health professionals, are being trained in this particular area.

Barriers for Men of Color

Men of color have even more barriers to mental health care than their white counterparts. Indigenous men have the highest rates of suicide of all demographics and are more likely to report feelings of hopelessness, for example. Racism and racial trauma adds an extra stressor to the lives of men of color that contributes to poor mental health. Racial biases still exist in the health field, which could also contribute to a reluctance on the part of men of color to reach out for help from a predominantly white pool of health professionals.

Not only that, but historically, white medical professionals have used Black individuals for experimentation, often against their will and without their knowledge, harming their health permanently or killing them. This has contributed to lack of trust in the medical field. We also have to consider the impact that lack of resources have on men of color’s ability to even seek care. Many men of color live in areas with low density of mental health practitioners, heavily limiting their access. Many also cannot afford mental health care, which further causes impediments in seeking help for mental illness.

How does depression often present in men? We associate depression with low mood and excessive sleeping or eating, feelings of hopelessness, or other things that we associate with people being “sad”. However, we have seen that men often exhibit other symptoms when depressed:

Escapist behavior: spending more time at work, spending more time on hobbies such as sports.
Physical symptoms: muscle aches or pain, fatigue, headaches, nausea and other GI complaints.
Self-medicating by heavy use of alcohol or drugs.
Abusive behavior such as violence, controlling behavior, or emotional manipulation.
Anger, irritability, or aggressiveness that seems to not line up with expectations for the situation.
Risky behavior: use of illicit drugs, reckless driving (such as speeding), many sexual encounters.
Noticeable changes in mood or appetite.
Difficulty concentrating.
Feeling restless or on edge and an inability to relax.

So what can we do? One of the things we have to work on as a society is how we approach mental health stigma. While many strides have been made in this area, not enough has been done to address the stigma specifically aimed at men. We also have to, as a society, work to address how we see masculinity and the way we expect men to behave.

Our current gender roles are actively contributing to men’s poor mental health and their deaths. While these are big tasks, smaller tasks we can do is work on how health professionals are trained. We need to make them more able to recognize symptoms of depression in men. And to be able to meet men where they are to work with them towards better mental health. We need more access to mental health care, especially for men of color. We also need to encourage people to check in on their male friends and be prepared to have difficult conversations.

There are two organizations that are working on addressing men’s mental health and how people can have these conversations with men in their lives. They are Man Therapy and Movember. Man Therapy approaches men’s mental health with humor in the hopes of destigmatizing access and encouraging men to reach out for help. They also offer resources to help men recognize their symptoms and to recognize if a friend could be struggling. Movember also works towards this and has resources to help men talk to other men about mental help, including ALEC and R U Okay? Movember is working on releasing an online education program called Men in Mind . This is for mental health professionals to help them be better equipped to help male clients.

Men’s mental health is something we need to talk more about. And we need to work towards the end of stigmatization and approaching men with a focus on their unique needs. Men are dying at incredible rates from preventable mental health consequences. There is more we could be doing as a society and mental health professionals to address this.

Resources:

https://www.aamc.org/news/men-and-mental-health-what-are-we-missing

https://adaa.org/find-help/by-demographics/mens-mental-health

https://online.hpu.edu/blog/the-importance-of-mens-mental-health-awareness

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/mens-mental-health-man-up-is-not-the-answer

https://mhanational.org/infographic-mental-health-men

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7444121

June 27, 2024July 8, 2024

The Importance of LGBTQIA+ Affirming Care

With June being Pride Month, there are many things to celebrate. However, it is also important to consider the importance of LGBTQIA+ affirming care, not only in our actual work but also in how we interact with people daily. Our previous post was a quick primer on identities and terms common in the LGBTQIA+ community. This post felt like a natural progression from the previous one.

While there are many good things about being part of a community as rich and diverse as the LGBTQIA+ community, we also cannot ignore the statistics that are available that show the impact of prejudice, bias, and bigotry on the lives of many people. This is why affirming care for these individuals is so important. It is important to remember that there is no inherent link between being LGBTQIA+ and having a mental illness but that it is the way that the world treats individuals in this community that contributes to mental illness. This is where the importance of LGBTQIA+ affirming care comes in.

Statistics

According to a 2022 survey by SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Association), LGBTQIA+ adults are more likely to use substances, experience mental health disorders, and experience serious thoughts of suicide.

The Trevor Project Shows us Why LGBTQIA+ Affirming Care is Needed

The Trevor Project also releases a survey every year that asks thousands of LGBTQIA+ youth about their experiences. It covers many topics, including experiences with mental health, abuse and bias, and what their home and school (or work) lives are like. Their most recent 2023 survey is an incredibly detailed look into what it is like to experience the world in the United States as an LGBTQIA+ youth. According to the Trevor Project:

41% of LGBTQ young people seriously considered attempting suicide in the past year.
56% of LGBTQ young people who wanted mental health care in the past year were not able to get it.
At least some of those 56% of LGTBQ young people stated that one of the reasons they could not access care was because of a lack of LGBTQIA+ affirming care providers.
Transgender and nonbinary young people who reported that all of the people they live with respect their pronouns reported lower rates of attempting suicide, however fewer than 40% of LGBTQ young people found their home to be LGBTQ-affirming.
Roughly half of transgender and nonbinary young people found their school to be gender-affirming, and those who did reported lower rates of attempting suicide, however a majority of LGBTQ young people reported being verbally harassed at school because people thought they were LGBTQ.
Nearly 1 in 3 LGBTQ young people said their mental health was poor most of the time or always due to anti-LGBTQ policies and legislation.
Nearly 2 in 3 LGBTQ young people said that hearing about potential state or local laws banning people from discussing LGBTQ people at school made their mental health a lot worse.

NAMI

NAMI (the National Alliance on Mental Illness) gives some insight to some of these statistics. According to them there are a variety of reasons that individuals in this community are more likely to experience mental illness. These include:

Coming out – This is an experience that can be either positive or negative for people. If coming out was voluntary, it is more likely to be positive, however it can still come with some negative ramifications depending on how those around them react. If someone is outed (having their identity told to others without their consent), it can often be a negative and traumatizing experience.
Rejection – Many LGBTQIA+ plus, especially youth and young adults, experience rejection from loved ones upon coming out (or being outed). They can also be rejected by peers and are more likely to experience bias and prejudice at work or in school.
Trauma – Unfortunately, due to the way many in our society still treat those who are LGBTQIA+, many individuals end up experiencing trauma throughout their lives, especially as adolescents.

Extra Risks for LGBTQIA+ Individuals

They also discuss some risks that LGBTQIA+ individuals are more likely to experience as a result of their identities, such as:

Homelessness – LGBTQIA+ youth have an estimated 120% higher risk of experiencing homelessness in comparison to their non-LGBTQIA+ peers. This is especially high for Black and Indigenous youth.
Suicide – As we saw from the Trevor Project’s survey, 41% of LGBTQIA+ youth have had serious thoughts of suicide. Suicide completion is also high in this group as a result of their experiences.
Inadequate mental health care – the Trevor Project noted that 56% of LGBTQIA+ youth who wanted mental health care could not access it due to a variety of factors. However, it is also important to note that not all mental health practitioners are informed in this type of work and may accidentally contribute to some of the distress their clients may face or end up providing substandard care (either due to ignorance or to their own biases).

While many of the statistics available focus on youth, we have to remember that adults, especially older adults, also face difficulties. According to SAGE, 53% of older adults who identify as LGBTQIA+ experience loneliness and they are twice as likely to live alone in comparison to non-LGBTQIA+ peers. We know that loneliness can contribute to mental illness, especially depression.

What We Can Do

These statistics are distressing, but what can we do about them? As people, just showing kindness and understanding can go a long way to changing someone’s day or even life. When we keep in mind our language and how we talk about different groups of people, we take into consideration the impact we have on other people every day. But what about as clinicians?

Don’t assume someone’s gender or sexual orientation. If you’re able to have your own intake forms, look into making sure they are as inclusive as possible. If you work for a group practice that has the same forms for everyone, advocate for the LGBTQOA+ community by approaching whoever is in charge of the forms and suggesting more inclusive language and changes to them. It can be the best way to set up a safe environment almost immediately before a client even meets with you. Also remember to include a third gender option of your forms, if you ask for a client’s gender.

Provide a space for them that makes them feel safe. There are many ways you can do this both during intake and going forward. It’s not appropriate to ask about medical transitioning unless the individual brings it up first as medical transition can be an especially sensitive topic for many people. You wouldn’t ask a cisgender person details about their genitals and you shouldn’t ask a transgender individual about this, either.

Make sure to use their pronouns; a good way to know them is to have this included on your intake form or to make a point of asking every client during the first appointment what their pronouns are. It’s important to ask all clients because there is no way to know just by looking at someone what their gender or pronouns are.

Don’t use their deadname if it is still their legal name; giving an option for a chosen name on your intake form alongside the legal name can help you know how best to refer to your clients.

Learn how they want to refer to their partners. Understand the most up to date terms to avoid using outdated, now offensive words to describe identities.

Be prepared with resources that are tailored for LGBTQIA+ individuals. For example:

There are many more than these, however! Look for ones local to you, as well, as sometimes having local communities can be more helpful than online ones.

The way we come prepared to handle the needs of clients who may be different than us can make a world of difference for how much they’re able to get out of the care they come to us for. Focusing on LGBTQIA+ affirming care can make a world of difference for individuals in this community and can greatly improve their quality of life.

Resources:

https://www.nami.org/Your-Journey/Identity-and-Cultural-Dimensions/LGBTQ

https://www.sageusa.org/news-posts/startling-mental-health-statistics-among-lgbtq-are-a-wake-up-call

https://www.samhsa.gov/newsroom/press-announcements/20230613/samhsa-releases-new-data-lesbian-gay-bisexual-behavioral-health

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/survey-2023

June 21, 2024July 8, 2024

A Primer in LGBTQIA Identities and Terms

With it being June, and thus Pride Month, we decided to follow up on our previous post about the history of Pride Month with a post serving as a quick primer to some LGBTQIA+ identities and common terms to be familiar with. This is by no means a comprehensive list! Those who want to learn more should check out the resources we’ve listed at the bottom of this blog post. There are a lot more terms explained throughout those websites which could serve to be even more helpful.

It’s important to be able to understand some of the more basic aspects of the LGBTQIA+ community as it can help when trying to work with clients in that community or even to help support or understand loved ones in your life. Everyday we come into contact with those who are part of this community, whether we know it or not, and the way we speak about these concepts and terms can make a huge impact on others. The more understanding we have, even if just basic, is critical in providing the care and support people need.

One important thing that must be understood before getting into the terms in general is that sex, gender, and sexuality are all very different and separate from each other. While many people use these terms interchangeably, especially sex and gender, they should be understood as completely different concepts that all play a role in how we interact with the world and how the world interacts with us.

Sexual orientation specifically refers to an individual’s sexual desire towards another person (or lack thereof). Sex is based on characteristics assigned by the medical community and society, usually based on genitals, to categorize individuals into primarily binary categories. Also known as the sex assigned at birth. Gender, on the other hand, is a social construction that categorizes individuals into male, female, or a third category. Socially considered to be based on external appearances or qualities (hair length, clothing choice, voice and mannerisms, etc), though there is no true defined set of characteristics that belong to any one gender or gender expression.

There are many common acronyms that are used to describe the LGBTQIA+ community and the acronyms have gotten progressively more and more inclusive over time. LGBT was the most common acronym, first coming into conversation about sex, sexuality, and gender in the 90s. However, since then, as the spectrum of gender and sexuality are being better understood and more discussed, we have added onto that acronym to reflect that. It is important to understand that no one acronym can ever fully represent the full scope of identities for this group, which is why we often see a “+” at the end. The acronyms LGBTQQIAA, 2SLGBTQQIAA, and SOGIE also exist, along with many others

Two Spirit, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans, Queer, Questioning, Intersex, Asexual, Aromantic are the agreed upon most common understanding of the letters in the longest common form of the acronym (2SLGBTQQIAA). SOGIE stands for Sexual Orientation, Gender Identity and Expression. Some claim the second A stands for Ally, many argue that Allies should not be considered part of the acronym (even though they are important to the community and do good work) and that it stands for Aromantic or that a second A does not need to be included. However, there is no one consensus on this matter and it depends on individual interpretation.

Ally – Someone who does not identify as part of the LGBTQIA+ community but is supportive of the group, often advocating for their rights and providing safe, inclusive areas for various people.
Aromantic – An individual who does not experience romantic attraction and does not need or want romantic relationships. These individuals often find fulfillment in other types of relationships, such as friendships and families, and do not find that anything is missing due to a lack of romantic relationships. May identify as sexual orientation, as well. Sometimes shortened to Aro.
Asexual – An individual who does not experience sexual attraction, or only experiences sexual attraction under very specific circumstances. They may identify any kind of romantic attraction (or lack thereof) along with this identity (such as: gay-romantic, bi-romantic, etc). Often shortened to Ace. This is not the same as celibacy, which refers to an active decision to refrain from sexual activity regardless of sexual attraction.
Bisexual – Someone who is sexually attracted to people of their own gender and people of other genders. Typically in the past, this was understood to mean someone who was attracted only to men and women, but as understanding of gender spectrums have evolved, so has the understanding of this term. While some individuals may have a specific set of genders they are attracted to, others may have many.
Cis(gender) – An individual who identifies with the gender they were assigned at birth that coincides with the social or cultural understanding of the sex assigned at birth (often based on sex characteristics).
Cisnormativity – An oppressive belief and assumption that everyone identifies, or should identify, with the gender or sex they were assigned at birth. Often excludes the considerations and needs of trans people and gender non-conforming individuals.
Deadname – A name an individual no longer uses to identify. This is often a legal name given at birth. Referring to someone by their deadname (deadnaming someone) is often considered rude or hurtful, depending on the intention behind it. It is important to respect someone’s lived or chosen name even if it differs from their legal name as not everyone can afford to legally change their name.
Gay – A man who is attracted to other men. In the past, this was referred to as homosexual or homophile. While some men still refer to themselves this way, more commonly now it is considered a medicalized term that was created to pathologize men who were attracted to men.
Gender affirming (care, surgery) – Health care (both mental and physical) that includes therapy, medications, and surgery to affirm and meet the needs of trans individuals.
Gender dysphoria – Distress felt by a trans individual due to incongruencies in gender identity and physical characteristics or others’ perceptions of them. For example, a transwoman may feel gender dysphoria due to having a deeper voice than she would be comfortable with.
Gender euphoria -The joy a trans individual can feel from gender affirming experiences, such as being able to wear their hair how they like, receiving gender affirming care, or being able to dress how they wish. This is something that many are pushing to be the focus of trans care (such as, how can we promote more gender euphoria in trans individuals) as opposed to gender dysphoria, which only focuses on the struggles of being trans.
Gender non-conforming – An individual who may or may not be trans who presents in a way that does not conform with traditional gender expectations for their gender assigned at birth. Often, this is seen in how someone physically presents but can also be how they define their social role, as well.
Heteronormativity – An oppressive belief or assumption that everyone identifies as heterosexual (or straight). This often ignores the lived realities of many people who do not identify this way and can also put individuals in a difficult position about self-disclosing their sexual or romantic orientation.
Intersex – An individual who is born with “ambiguous” sex characteristics. This can be seen as having genitals or other physical sex characteristics that do not conform with stereotypical expectations of “male” or “female”, could be a combination of chromosomes that do not fit expectations, or hormone levels that do not “match” the idea of what “males” or “females” should have. Individuals can have any combination of these attributes, as well. Often, individuals are assigned a sex or gender based on “best guess” practices as infants, with many going through unnecessary and often harmful surgical procedures to have their bodies conform to societal and medical categories, often for the comfort of the parents or doctors. Intersex individuals were referred to as hermaphrodites in the past, a term that is now considered outdated and harmful.
Lesbian – A woman who identifies as loving or being sexually attracted to other women. In the past, this was referred to as homosexual or homophile.
Misgendering- Referring to someone as being a gender that they do not identify with. Sometimes this is done because we assume gender based on how someone looks (assuming that someone with short hair, no visible breasts, and a deep or ambiguous voice is a man), other times this is done intentionally (such as when someone purposefully refers to someone they know is a transwoman as “sir”). This can be very upsetting for trans individuals and can contribute to dysphoria.
Non-binary – Someone who identifies as neither a woman or a man. This could be someone who identifies as a third gender or no gender. Often uses any number of pronouns (including pronouns that match their sex assigned at birth or don’t, or could be a combination of pronouns).
Pansexual – An individual who identifies as being sexually attracted to many different genders. Some people use this interchangeably with bisexual while others feel it is completely separate.
Queer – An umbrella term for any number of different identities. In the past, this was seen exclusively as an offensive term whereas now with the younger generations the idea has been that they have taken back the term. It is only appropriate to use this term if you identify as LGBTQIA+ and it is not appropriate to use it haphazardly for individuals, as not everyone is okay with this label.
Questioning – A term for someone who is still questioning their sexual orientation or gender identity. This being included in the acronym allows space for those who may still not be sure of where they are in their journey with their identity without forcing them to make a choice they may not identify with later.
Trans(gender) – An individual who does not identify as the sex they were assigned at birth. This is an umbrella term for anyone who fits into this category, though we often see it applied more frequently to transmen and transwomen. A trans person may or may not be out, may or may not have socially transitioned in every aspect of their lives, and may or may not have medically transitioned. There is no one or right way to be trans.
Transition – The process of someone coming to publicly present as their gender. This can be done slowly, by socially transitioning in stages (such as to close loved ones and then to work and then to public in general), or it can be done all at once depending on the individual’s comfort level. It can involve appearance changes (or not), pronoun or name changes (or not), and could involve hormone treatments or surgeries (but does not have to). People transition in their own way and at their own pace.
Two Spirit – A gender identity specific to Indigenous peoples in North America. There are many different ways this can be defined and they are culturally determined by specific Nations and their history. Often, these individuals serve important social roles in their communities.

Resources:

https://www.aecf.org/blog/lgbtq-definitions

https://www.lgbtqiahealtheducation.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/Glossary-2020.08.30.pdf

https://lgbtqia.ucdavis.edu/educated/glossary#g

https://whatsonqueerbc.com/woq-bc-stories/what-does-the-acronym-mean

June 14, 2024July 9, 2024

June is Pride Month

It’s officially June and June 1 was the beginning of Pride Month (which is different from LGBTQIA+ history month)! Pride Month is a celebration during June worldwide for the LGBTQIA+ community. More specifically, June 28th is the anniversary of the Stonewall Inn riots. This sparked a change in how the queer community advocated for their rights and why we celebrate Pride month today. While many Pride events focus on the celebration, it is important to remember that Pride has a rich history of political activism. The riots at the Stonewall Inn are the most famous and were monumental for the queer community they were not the beginning of queer activism in the US, which has a history going back to at least 1926.

protesters holding signs at Stonewall Riot supporting LGBTQIA+

Pride Month: Before and After Stonewall

1926 was when the Society for Human Rights was founded by Henry Gerber. He was an US army soldier who had been inspired by the queer community and organizations advocating for their rights in Germany. He wanted to bring something like that to the US and push for rights and advocacy here. Its focus was on bringing awareness to the needs of the LGBTQIA+ community.

In the 1950s, the Mattachine Society was founded with the aim of advocating for gay rights and for the repealing of anti-gay laws. There was concern that they were demanding too much and not gaining enough so they changed tactics. They appealed to the community to adapt as much as possible to mainstream society and ideals. The hope was that they would appeal to the heterosexual community and be more accepted. The message they wanted to send to the heterosexual population was that they were “normal” and “just like them”.

Also in the 1950s, the Daughters of Bilitis were founded. This was an organization similar to the Mattachine Society but was aimed at the lesbian community. At first, they were primarily concerned with having safe places where lesbians could meet and spend time together. Over time, they also started working towards supporting married lesbians and mothers and giving educational talks to the heterosexual community. They worked to spread awareness and understanding of lesbian causes and concerns and became more focused on lesbian feminism and politics as time went on. This organization no longer exists, however.

In 1966, in San Francisco, there was a riot in a restaurant called the Compton Cafeteria. When a police officer attempted to arrest a drag queen (as it was illegal at the time to wear gender non-conforming clothing), she fought back and this sparked the other queer patrons in the restaurant to fight back against the police, as well. Much like the Mattachine Society, this organization no longer exists.

We also have organizations that started in the wake of the Stonewall Inn riots. In the 1970s, the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence were founded. This organization started with drag queens who used nun’s habits in their performances. Eventually, it evolved into a drag organization that brings attention to queer issues while wearing drag versions of nun’s clothing. They bring awareness to issues such as discrimination and oppression of queer people, especially when linked to religious hypocrisy. They also focus on safe sex education and about the dangers of drug use. The group also raises money for AIDs organizations and other important causes within the LGBTQIA+ community.

Also in the 1970s we saw the beginning of STAR (Street Transvestite Action Revolutionaries). It was founded by Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera, two people who are famous in the queer community today, who took part in the Stonewall Inn riots. While the organization only lasted 3 years, it was organized to provide housing and support to homeless queer youth. It made a huge difference in the lives of many homeless LGBTQIA+ youth in New York City for the brief time it was running.

LGBTQIA+ advocates in Stonewall Inn Riots

The Stonewall Inn Riots

It is important to remember that the Stonewall Inn riots are rightly famous. They marked a significant turning point in how queer advocacy organizations approached queer causes and the many needs of the LGBTQIA+ community and other overlapping causes.

In the 1960’s there were still laws that targeted the LGBTQIA+ community, especially gay men and gender non-conforming individuals. These laws affected many different areas of people’s lives. One law was that it was illegal to serve alcohol to those who were part of the queer community. This meant that many bars and clubs were not an option for most people. There were few places to meet other LGBTQIA+ individuals that were safe.

While there were bars and clubs that specifically catered to gay men and lesbians and allowed gender non-conforming folks to attend, as well, depending on the venue, these establishments were often owned by the Mafia. Police would do frequent raids on known or suspected gay bars and arrest anyone who didn’t have ID or were wearing clothing that didn’t align with their gender assigned at birth. These bars being owned by the Mafia did often provide some protection as they often paid police off to reduce the frequency of raids or for tips when a raid was incoming.

The Stonewall Inn was a well-known bar run by a Mafia family that catered exclusively to the queer community. On June 28th, 1969, there was an unexpected police raid on the Stonewall Inn that the Mafia had not been tipped off about. During this raid, the police were being overly forceful and were seen to hit patrons with their clubs. A crowd had begun to accumulate around the bar made up of patrons, neighborhood residents, and customers from nearby clubs and bars.

As a woman was being forced into a police vehicle for arrest, she called out to the crowd asking why they weren’t doing anything to help (most say Stormé DeLarverie was the woman in question). This pushed the crowd into action who started throwing things at police and fighting back, rioting against the unfair treatment they had been forced to endure for years. The rioting continued for five more nights in the neighborhood as the queer community demanded equal rights and the ability to live authentically as themselves.

On June 28th, 1970, on the one year anniversary of the Stonewall Riots, the first Pride parade was held to commemorate the ongoing struggle for equal rights for queer folk. However, many of these early Pride events and the organizations that came up after Stonewall did not include people of color or transpeople in their organizing, despite the pivotal role they had played in much of the fight for equal rights.

LGBTQ+ equal rights advocating for pride today and tomorrow

Pride Month Today and Tomorrow

Today, Pride is celebrated all throughout the month of June and is celebrated globally. All over the world, one can find a Pride event to attend during June to celebrate the queer community. There are concerns for many in the queer community about the large sponsorship and presence of corporations during these events. They are concerned with the commodification of Pride. This could be taking attention away from not only the political roots of Pride. And also from the continuing work that still needs to be done advocating for the LGBTQIA+ community. There is also concern about the heavy police presence at many of the larger Pride events. Because of continued oppression and marginalization of queer individuals, especially individuals of color, this has been questioned.

Celebrating and acknowledging the strides made for equality is important and very much needed. But there is also still a lot of work to be done. The queer community is rich with political activism and celebration. Stonewall may not have been the first instance of LGBTQIA+ resistance and activism. But it was the first to be covered globally and sparked an international movement for LGBTQIA+ rights and equality.

Resources:

https://www.britannica.com/story/why-is-pride-month-celebrated-in-june

https://www.history.com/topics/gay-rights/pride-month

https://www.loc.gov/lgbt-pride-month/about

https://www.them.us/story/the-complete-history-of-pride

https://www.them.us/story/queer-elders-stonewall-riots-50

https://www.them.us/story/queer-history-beyond-stonewall

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pride_Month

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stonewall_riots

April 8, 2024July 9, 2024

Bipolar Disorder Overview

According to the World Health Organization (WHO), 1 in 8 people in the world currently live with a mental health disorder. This equals out to 970 million people. As of 2019, of those 970 million people in the world, 40 million had bipolar disorder.

Bipolar disorder is a mental health disorder characterized by extreme highs and lows (it was previously known as manic-depressive disorder). These highs and lows often come in cycles of depression or mania. But they sometimes can be seen as a “mixed state” in which symptoms of both are present. Mania in adults is characterized by high, euphoric moods, increases in energy, decreases in appetite and sleep, and can sometimes also include thoughts of grandeur, delusions, and at the most extreme, hallucinations.

Children are more likely to exhibit irritability and emotional outbursts than these more well-known highs. Hypomania is a less severe form of mania that can affect many people with bipolar disorder. Depression in bipolar individuals can be seen as very low mood, low energy, and feelings of hopelessness. Bipolar disorder has a high rate of suicide completion, with one in every five people with the disorder completing suicide. This highlights the importance of treatment for individuals with this disorder.

The misdiagnosis rate is unfortunately high, which delays proper treatment. Women and female presenting persons are more likely to be misdiagnosed with depression and men and male presenting persons are more likely to be misdiagnosed with schizophrenia. Bipolar affects these groups in equal rates.

Typical onset of this disorder is found in adulthood, however it can occur in adolescence and early childhood. There does seem to be a genetic component to this disorder, as it is more common in individuals who have at least one parent with unipolar depression (major depressive disorder) or bipolar disorder. Individuals with an immediate family member who has bipolar disorder are also more likely to develop it sooner in life.

Bipolar Disorder Types

There are three types of bipolar disorder based on how cycles present. No type is more or less “severe” than the other in terms of the challenges someone may face and the types are not determined by impact on a person’s life but on types of symptoms.

Bipolar I typically presents with manic symptoms that last at least a week. These manic symptoms can also result in the need for emergency care depending on severity. Depression in bipolar I typically lasts at least two weeks.

Bipolar II is characterized by episodes of hypomania and depression. These hypomanic episodes can be less severe than traditional mania and usually do not require emergency medical attention. Depressive cycles tend to be more common with bipolar II.

Cyclothemia, or cyclothemic disorder, is a disorder that involves cycling between hypomania and depressive episodes. These episodes are usually shorter than in bipolar I or II.

Treatment

Typically, we see the use of mood stabilizers and anti-depressants used as the first line treatment for this disorder. Lithium is the most well-known mood stabilizer and was the first one developed as an effective treatment for bipolar. However, many more are now available. SSRI’s and SNRI’s are also commonly used in combination with mood stabilizers. Atypical antipsychotics are often used along with these other medications. According to WHO, 9 in 10 patients are happy with their treatment plan and medications.

Therapy is also part of an effective treatment plan for bipolar. Through therapy, clients are able to learn how to address troubling thoughts, identify potential triggers for cycling and signs a depressive or manic cycle may be coming, and how to change their behaviors. Therapy can also be a way of providing support and education to bipolar clients and their families.

My Story

I was diagnosed with bipolar II when I was 12 years old, though it’s very likely I developed it much earlier. Bipolar is considered a progressive disorder and developing it so early meant it was likely my symptoms would be severe. Progression is associated with more frequent episodes, more difficulty in treatment, more severe episodes, and a higher likelihood of suicide attempt and completion.

Treatment was difficult at first for me. I tried many medications that did not work well for my case. My age was a complicating factor in this, of course, as many medications at the time (2002) were not approved for use in children. I reacted poorly to the medications that were available to me and eventually I stopped treatment.

My adolescence was, understandably, difficult. I often experienced rapid cycling, which is categorized as four or more cycles within a year. My depressive symptoms were very severe, resulting often in difficulty in functioning socially and in school.

According to all odds, it was likely only going to get worse. Many bipolar patients experience disability from their disorder. However, in my early 20’s, I went back to trying medications. It took a few years to find an effective treatment regimen. Some medications had side effects I couldn’t tolerate and others didn’t make a difference in my depressive symptoms. After some time I was able to find something that worked for me.

Combining an effective medication schedule with therapy allowed me to gain the skills I needed to achieve a normal level of functioning. These skills were recognizing when a cycle may be coming so that I could take steps to try and prevent it from being too severe, learning how to combat the thoughts and feelings that came with depression and could sometimes lengthen my depressive cycles, and learning when to reach out for more help. Learning when a medication had reached its limit to help me and I needed more support in that area was crucial for my treatment success.

Despite the odds stacked against me with my early onset and severity of symptoms, I was able to achieve a level of functioning that has allowed me to thrive as an adult. I was able to continue working and then eventually attended college and am on my way to a graduate program. Bipolar disorder can be a scary diagnosis, but with proper treatment and education on the disorder, it is possible to have a high quality of life and, more importantly, a full life that is characterized by achieving one’s goals, having good friends, and seeing one’s dreams through.

April 1, 2024July 9, 2024

Grieving and Relationships

In our previous blog post, we discussed grief more generally. This post will be dedicated to grieving and relationships. Many people assume grief of this type can only come when a partner dies or if we’ve left a relationship because we were broken up with or someone cheated. Often, people forget that even leaving toxic relationships can come with grief. Just because the decision that was made may have been in our best interest and for our safety doesn’t mean we don’t grieve that relationship deeply.

Ending relationships because of cheating or abuse still comes with the same elements of loss we see in other relationships ending. There is a loss of the planned future together, the loss of the life that has been built now, and the loss of the person you thought your partner was or even the person you thought you were. It is not so cut and dry as to say that just because ending a relationship was good for us that we’re going to feel good about it, at least not right away.

When thinking about grieving and relationships, there is also often a time limit people expect someone to have. Grieving and relationships are not viewed the same way by society. When grieving a death, society also places time limits on “acceptable grief” but they seem more generous than for the end of a relationship. Most people expect us to “get over it” and “move on”, especially if the end of a relationship was brought on by the other party’s infidelity or abuse. We’re lauded for leaving the relationship but not given that time and space to grieve. There is no timeline for grief and there is no right or wrong way to grieve, regardless of what brought about our grief in the first place.

Stages of Grieving and Relationships

The stages of grief that we discussed in the previous post can also be applied to loss of a relationship. The things someone says to themselves or how they experience these stages could look a little different. It is also important to note that, again, just like when dealing with any kind of loss, these stages are not linear. Some people may skip certain stages all together or come back to a stage over and over until they’ve fully processed their grief and the mourning period is over.

Denial

In a relationship, denial can look like a rejection of acknowledging the relationship has truly ended. It can look like “They’ll come back to me once they realize they’ve made a mistake by letting me go” or it can look like “They said they’ll change so maybe they will and we can mend things”.

Anger

This is often seen as blaming someone or something else for the loss of the relationship. Sometimes it comes with not really seeing the part we play in keeping our relationships healthy and sometimes it comes from realizing how poorly treated we were and being angry at ourselves for letting it continue. It can look like “If they had just worked harder, we would still be together” or “This isn’t fair. I didn’t do anything wrong.”

Bargaining

Much like in more traditional grief, bargaining usually looks like making promises to others, the universe, or a deity in order to bring things back to normal. Sometimes it comes from a realization that we’ve had a part to play in the break up and sometimes it’s still tied to denial or anger. It can look like approaching your ex and promising “I’ll stop getting annoyed about the little things and nagging you if you just come back” or promising God that you’ll pray every night again if your ex will come back to you.

Depression

This is the sense of hopelessness as the reality of the end of the relationship hits someone. It’s what we often expect to see when someone experiences a loss. Often we see people experience feelings of not being able to accept that another relationship is possible and they’ll say things like “Who else could love me?” or “I’ll never find someone else, I’m going to be alone forever.”

Acceptance

When someone realizes the true finality of a relationship and that it is actually over, we see that as acceptance. It’s knowing that it’s time to heal and move on from the relationship, knowing that “I’m going to be okay.” Again, just like in cases of a more “traditional loss” like a death, someone can reach acceptance and then go back to another stage. This is not always the final stage. Sometimes it could even be the first and only stage! Grieving and loss are individual.

Grieving and Relationships: Dealing with the End of a Relationship

It can be hard to lose someone you love, especially when you know it was because of a breakup and not a death. It can feel like things are more open and the hope that things can return to normal with the relationship being repaired could complicate things for some people. Because grieving and relationships, both separately and together, are so individual, there is no one size fits all solution.

If you or someone you care about is experiencing grief, a great resource is counseling. It can help people work through their feelings, especially when done with a neutral party who is less likely to push for us to feel a certain way or the other. Therapists often know of resources and skills we can use in order to try and heal a little bit faster. Resources in the community are especially important for someone who has left an abusive relationship and therapists can often help people with finding those.
It’s important to take extra time to be compassionate and gentle with yourself. Regardless of why the relationship has ended, these events tend to come with a lot of difficult and sometimes overwhelming feelings. It’s not easy to say goodbye to something that meant so much to you and so it’s important to be kind to yourself through this process.
Don’t force yourself to meet society’s timetables for what an “acceptable” mourning period looks like. We all take our time in processing these events and it’s normal for yours to look different from someone else’s. Trying to force ourselves to fit a grieving mold can make things harder and can leave things unresolved for us, emotionally.
Look for support from those you love who are in your life. Those people who are still there for you are going to be important anchors throughout this process. It’s especially important to try and avoid social withdrawal or isolation during grieving as that can sometimes make things worse for us.
Seek out support groups catered to your loss, such as for divorce, domestic violence, or the death of a partner. Many support groups exist and this is something a therapist can help you find. It can be helpful to hear that you’re not alone in this and that someone else has experienced a similar loss and is coming out on the other side of it. Grief.com is a great place to find these.
The most important thing to remember is that you don’t have to grieve alone.

February 26, 2024July 9, 2024

The Subjective Grief Experience: The Stages of Grief

Everyone will experience grief and loss at some point in their lives. Grief can impact people in many different ways and can look very different from person to person. It also doesn’t just come from the death of a loved one. People can experience grief that can be brought on by loss of a job, a housing move, loss of a friendship, opportunities, a relationship, and any number of things. It can also be brought on by a loss of a social role, such as the role of a worker when someone retires or the loss of parenting role once children become adults and start their own lives away from home. People often talk about the stages of grief, something we’ll discuss in detail here.

Grief can be about mourning the actual, physical loss of a person but it can also be about mourning the future and dreams involved with that person. Any joint plans, expectations, or hopes for the future that can no longer happen because of someone not being in our lives anymore can all come with an experience of grief and a feeling of loss and mourning.

There is no one way to grieve and there is no one definitive list of what can cause a grief response for someone.

The Five Stages of Grief

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross was the first to detail what many of us know as the “five stages of grief”. While she initially developed these to explain the process those with life-threatening illnesses go through once they receive a terminal diagnosis, it can also be applied to many other forms of grief. These stages are not linear. What this means is that someone can go through them in any order, may never experience certain stages, or may go back to stages even after “resolving” them. For example, someone may reach acceptance, but may then experience anger or denial again.

Denial

This stage is defined as not being able to accept or understand that someone or something is truly gone. People can experience this as an expectation that things will go back to normal and that this is temporary. When dealing with illness, for example, it is a denial that the diagnosis is terminal and that you or someone you love will find an effective treatment that will not result in death.

Anger

When talking about the stages of grief, anger can be seen as a desire to blame someone or something else. Often this is seen as an expression of things not being fair or just. “Why is this happening to me?” “Why would God do this to me?”

Bargaining

With grief, bargaining often looks like trying to make promises to the universe, a deity, or someone in our lives in order to make things go back to normal. This is different from denial because the person accepts that the loss is happening but not accepting that nothing can be done to change it. Sometimes this can look like “I promise I’ll go to church again if you save my mother from dying” or “I promise I’ll take my medication and go to the doctor if I can just get better.” It’s an attempt at gaining control over a situation in which someone feels helpless in the face of their loss.

Depression

This is a realization of the loss, and the fact there isn’t anything that can be done about it, which often brings upon strong feelings of despair and hopelessness. Often people withdraw from their families or loved ones as a result of this. It can be seen as “What’s the point?” or “Why should I even bother?”

Acceptance

This should not be seen as the end of the grief experience or cycle. People do not always reach “acceptance” about their loss and then stop there. Sometimes someone can accept their loss but then go back to anger or denial, for example. This stage involves accepting the reality of their loss and no longer trying to change it but moving forward. There is an acceptance that things cannot go back to the way they were before the diagnosis, the housing move, or the job loss.

Grieving

The process of grieving and going through these stages is incredibly personal and individualized. No two people will experience grief or mourning in the same way, even if they are responding to the same loss. Two siblings going through the loss of a parent will experience this loss in different ways, going through different stages at different times, and reconciling with their own personal experiences with this parent and the impact of the parent’s loss on their lives.

It is normal to compare your experiences with grief and loss to how others are experiencing it or how society tells us we should. Our perceptions of how others are experiencing a similar grief can also impact how we should or should not be behaving or reacting to grief. There is no timeframe for grief and there is no normal way to grieve. Our personal way of grieving is not wrong just because it doesn’t look like someone else’s.

Help and support

There are many different resources out there for people who are grieving. Getting support and care from those we love is certainly a first step. We can also take extra steps to be gentle with ourselves and prioritize self-care. Bereavement therapy is an option for those who feel grief is impacting their lives in a way they need extra support with and there are many grief counseling groups revolving around different forms of grief, such as child loss or parent loss.

Additional resources

https://www.grief.com

https://optionb.org/

About the Author

Kerry Moran is an intern at CCC who is currently enrolled in the undergraduate psychology program at the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth. She is currently applying to graduate programs for her master’s in counseling with the goal of becoming a Licensed Mental Health Counselor. Grief is a topic that is close to her heart and something she feels passionately about, especially since so many people grieve alone as a result of societal pressures. Grief and grieving are important parts of the human experience and her hope is to be able to one day work with many different types of clients, but especially those experiencing grief and loss.

January 5, 2023April 5, 2024

Why I Decided to Run a Postpartum Group

By April Lacey, LICSW

How it Started

I thought it might be beneficial to share why I decided to run a postpartum support group. Initially another clinician decided they wanted to facilitate a Postpartum Depression Group due to the lack of resources and support in the area. Once I heard the idea, I was immediately on board with becoming a co-facilitator. Circumstances changed and I became the one to move forward with facilitating the group.

The Structure

This group was designed to benefit mother’s with infants ranging from birth to age one. The group was initially scheduled as a 6 week series. I felt like 6 weeks wasn’t enough time to really gain those meaningful connections and process through all the struggles of being a parent. I decided to switch it to an ongoing group and change the name from Postpartum Depression Support Group to Postpartum Stress Support Group. My reason was to make the group all encompassing to anyone experience postpartum struggles. Since then I have decided switching to a 10 week group as that sweet spot to meet the need. I plan to run it in a cycle of 10 week series all year round.

Topics covered are the following:

Self-care

Family Support

Attachment

Boundaries

Baby Blues

Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders

Breastfeeding

Mom guilt

Expectations

Motherhood Myths

Milestones

My Why

So why did I jump at the chance to facilitate this group?

First and foremost I am a mother. As a parent we all have our own idea of what having a baby might look like. We set these expectations and make plans in our mind. You might think you are prepared because you already have kids, worked with kids, watched kids, or have kids in your family. The one thing I learned from becoming a mother is “I was not.” All babies are different. Yes, I was prepared for the basic things in order to keep my child alive but there are plenty of things that happened that I wasn’t prepared for. Parents are going most likely feel challenged. They are going to have moments when they may feel like a complete failure. They are going to experience an array of emotions. But remember, that’s okay. There is no certain way you should feel or act. We all going on instinct and doing what is best for our child.

Experiencing postpartum struggles does not always mean that something went “wrong” or was “different”. Even having what society might consider a “normal experience” can still lead to parents developing feelings of sadness and anxiety. Many mothers and even fathers will experience the “baby blues” the first few weeks after giving birth.

For me there were some complications and my daughter was born 6 weeks premature in January 2020. None of what I planned for happened. And just two short months later COVID happened. I had to not only adjust to all of the emotions of being a new mom with a premature baby, but also the isolation of quarantine.

I wanted parents to know they are not alone. There is support and others who can empathize and understand what you are experiencing.

My next Postpartum Stress Support Group starts Monday January 9 at 7pm.

April graduated from Boston College in 2012 with her Masters in Social Work and is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker. She is in the process of working towards her Perinatal Mental Health Certification and currently runs the Postpartum Sress Support Group here at Compassionate Counseling Company.

November 16, 2022June 14, 2024

Navigating LGBTQIA Family Holidays

By Aden Meiselbach, LICSW

Growing up did you receive negative messages from your family and friends about sexual and gender identities they deemed to be outside the social norm?

After you moved away from your family home did you finally feel safe to identify with your true self and now you want to make sure your confidence in your identity doesn’t become diminished?

If either of these ring true to you, the following tips might be helpful for you navigating the holidays with family and friends.

Patience and Understanding

First, think about how much time it took you to decide and accept who you are as a person. Likely, expressing your true sexuality or gender identity took some time and consideration on your part. Remember how much time it took you to process who you were and come out to family and friends? Family and friends that have known you for a long time might need some time as well to process and accept your newly disclosed identity, as it may be brand-new information for them.

I came out as Transgender to my family around the age of 21 and unfortunately received less than supportive reactions from the majority of my family. However, about 8 years later, I finally found myself in a place where I felt accepted by most of my family and comfortable returning home for the holidays. Without the patience and understanding that I forced myself to practice throughout this transitional time, I wonder if I would still have a relationship with them right now. After all, it is important that as individuals we role model the actions and words that we expect from others. However, practicing patience and understanding is no easy feat, and should not be confused with allowance for disrespect. So then you ask what do I then do to ensure I receive respect from those around me? The answer is to set boundaries!

Setting Boundaries

So what are boundaries or what do boundaries look like? Boundaries are imaginary property lines set between you and others you interact with. It gives you the ability to separate your physical, mental, and emotional space from others, with the imaginary property line. Setting boundaries also give others around you a clear expectation of appropriate and inappropriate ways of interacting with you and defining what respecting you might look like.

So what do boundaries look like? This is a difficult question to answer as everyone’s boundaries look different. However, when deciding what boundaries you want to set you start by prioritize your needs and comfortability over those of others. It’s also important to determine within yourself what rigid boundaries (those you will not allow anyone to cross at any time for any reason) and those which we identify as soft boundaries (setting expectations for how others interact with you but leaving room for exceptions to the rule).

One boundary you might think about the setting is that you disclose your sexual or gender identity to whomever you choose, not who your family chooses. Early in my transition, I had a girlfriend, with whom I finally felt comfortable disclosing my gender identity. While processing this information she choose to disclose my gender identity to people in our lives. I was not ready to disclose that information. While I understand where she was coming from, this was very hurtful and difficult early on as I was in my most vulnerable state at the time.

That being said, it is important to consider what boundaries you might want to set prior to seeing family and friends during the holidays. However, these are important conversations prior to the day of, so they have time for processing and to be held accountable. This is not to say even the most accepting of friends are family might “slip up,” every now and again. However, you will quickly learn what are honest mistakes and what mistakes are intentional!

Self Care and Positive Affirmations

Holidays can be one of the most difficult times of the year for people who are part of the LGBTQIA community for a multitude of reasons. Although the holidays are been advertised as a time of being thankful and giving back to others, it’s important to give to yourself as well. Make sure that during the holiday season you are giving more to yourself as well. This might mean prioritizing your own self-care, (ie taking a nice bath, getting your hair done, seeing your therapist more frequently, or joining a local support group). Also, be mindful that self-care can look different for each person and does not have to look any particular way. Think about what makes you happy, what fuels your heart and soul, and what healthy thing makes it just that much easier when you have a bad day. Whatever your answer might be, that is your self-care! Self-care is always best coupled with positive affirmations. It can be difficult to be kind to yourself when the world can be an unkind place. Positive daily affirmations, although an awkward feeling at times, can definitely increase a person’s self-worth. By simply writing, saying, or acknowledging a positive quality about yourself daily, you will equip yourself with a little more armor to battle the world!

For me, some days self-care looks like a nap on the weekend, and for others, it’s taking an overnight trip to the mountains. And positive affirmations are an ongoing list on my phone to remind me of the qualities I like in myself. So what fuels your soul? What makes you who you are? What qualities are you proud of?

You have the Right to Celebrate the Holidays the Way in Which You Choose

Above all else, you choose where, when, and how you celebrate. If you don’t want to celebrate with this person or that person it is okay! You have a right to your own autonomy and to make your own choices. You are under no obligation to explain yourself to others either. Most importantly you have the right to enjoy your holiday the way you choose to! Happy Holiday Season!

Aden is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker. He has over 10 years of experience treating co-occurring disorders. He is a Certified Trauma Professional and specializes in the LGBTQA population. He currently facilitates our Gender Spectrum Support Group.

August 1, 2022June 28, 2024

Baby Blues or Postpartum Depression?

By: April Lacey

First and foremost, congratulations on having a new baby! Entering parenthood has the potential to give rise to many unanticipated emotions and expectations for yourself. Some people will have feelings of excitement and/or happiness while others might experience feelings of being overwhelmed, sad, and/or anxious. You might also have a mixture of both. Generally, society presents the former as the norm and you might feel as though you are expected to just know what to do. As a result of these expectations you may be under the impression that something is “wrong” or that you are a “failure” if you have difficulty meeting society’s expectations of immediate connection and happiness. However, experts report that an estimated 80% of all new mothers will experience mood swings and/or weeping that starts a few days after following the birth of a new child. These are symptoms of what we refer to as “Baby Blues”. Symptoms of baby blues typically only last for a few weeks and do not require medical intervention nor do they interfere with your ability to care for your infant.

Symptoms of Baby Blues include:

Mood swings

The other side of motherhood. At times, the responsibilities of motherhood can be exhausting.

Anxiety

Sadness

Irritability

Feeling Overwhelmed

Crying

Reduced concentration

Appetite problems

Trouble sleeping

Now that we’ve highlighted the symptoms that are characteristic of the Baby Blues; I believe that it is equally important to highlight the symptoms that are characteristic of Postpartum Depression as well so that you might be better able to to distinguish the differences between the two. It is important to note that if you observe that your symptoms of Baby Blues does not resolve or even start to increase after a few weeks, then it may be a possibility that you are experiencing symptoms of Postpartum Depression or another perinatal mood disorder. Please know that you are not alone! Postpartum Depression affects approximately 15% of women and it even affects 10% of dads. It is also important to note that symptoms of Postpartum Depression are very much similar to those of Major Depressive Disorder although symptoms of Postpartum Depression tend to occur after pregnancy and can last up to one year postpartum. If left untreated, Postpartum Depression can potentially develop into Major Depressive Disorder.

Symptoms of Postpartum Depression include:

Severe mood swings

Symptoms of Postpartum Depression and the Baby Blues can be debilitating, leading us to question our parenting skills.

Excessive crying

Difficulty bonding

Insomnia

Intense irritability and anger

Hopelessness

Feelings of worthlessness

Inability to concentrate

Thoughts of harming self or baby

Please remember that if you are experiencing symptoms of either of these disorders; early identification leads to early treatment and relief. Postpartum depression is temporary and treatable with professional help. However, it is important to note there is no universally defined time frame to feel better and each person is unique with different needs. If you feel that you may be suffering from Postpartum Depression, please reach out for support. A few possible treatment options include connecting with your social circle (family or friends), connecting with a therapist, joining a support group, and/or consulting with your primary care physician, OBGYN, or a psychiatrist for medication if necessary. As a new parent, it is important for you to take time to engage in self-care activities including but not limited to getting rest and recuperating, eating well, and taking breaks to prevent burnout. No one is perfect and each of us could use a helping hand at times. Never be afraid to ask for help.

At Compassionate Counseling Company, we are offering an ongoing weekly Postpartum Stress Support Group that begins virtually on Monday August 8th at 7 PM. You do not need to have a formal diagnosis in order to attend the group. Come meet and be supported by other parents with shared experiences by taking advantage of the opportunity to process the stressors and emotions that come along with having a new baby. If you are interested, sign up here.

April graduated from Boston College in 2012 with her Masters in Social Work and is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker. April enjoys working with children, adolescents, adults, and families and she currently runs the Postpartum Stress Support Group here at Compassionate Counseling Company.