The Mental Health Benefits of Counseling

Almost every week, we mention how speaking to a therapist or counselor can be of benefit for addressing a variety of needs. However, this is the first time we’ll be addressing the benefits of counseling more closely. Of course it can be used to address specific mental health disorders but it also has more far reaching benefits than just helping people to cope with mental illness.

What is Therapy?

Therapy, or counseling, often refers to talk-therapy or talk-psychotherapy. This is a form of treatment which involves speaking to a trained professional about a problem you’re having. The professional then uses evidence based practices to help you build skills to then address whatever concern brought you to therapy.

One of the main benefits of counseling is that there is no one size fits all approach. There are so many different forms of therapy. For example, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is one of the most well-known forms. And many people often think of psychodynamic or psychoanalytic therapy when they first imagine therapy (you know, Freud and a couch).

However, there is also ACT, DBT, EMDR, ERT, and many, many more. Many of these forms of therapy were developed to target specific mental disorders or problems that people may be having. Motivational Interviewing (MI), for example, was developed for addressing substance use disorder.

What Does Therapy Help With?

There are many benefits of counseling to consider. Of course, it can help with mental illness, such as depression or anxiety disorders. However, it can also help with things like coping with grief or loss, dealing with stress, handling transitions, and other issues people may be facing.

Therapy can also help with working on self-esteem, problem solving skills, self-confidence, and coping with rough patches in your life. Most people who go to therapy only do so for a short period of time, usually to help resolve a current issue such as the death of a loved one.

People also seek out therapy to help with communication skills, relationship problems, and for help addressing conflicts they may be facing in life.

How Do I Find a Therapist?

Word of mouth is an excellent way of finding a therapist. Ask around and see if you can get recommendations from doctors or people you know who have gone to therapy. Your insurance provider is also a great resource for finding a therapist as that will be the easiest way to insure that the cost of your sessions will be covered.

We have a large list of clinicians here that are also an option for those looking into the benefits of counseling and considering getting counseling themselves.

Resources:

https://www.avila.edu/2022/12/13/5-benefits-of-working-with-a-mental-health-counselor/

https://www.coe.edu/student-life/health-wellness/mental-health-counseling/potential-benefits-counseling

https://www.harmonyridgerecovery.com/10-benefits-of-mental-health-counseling

https://www.healthline.com/health/benefits-of-therapy

https://www.mhanational.org/therapy

https://positivepsychology.com/counseling-process

https://online.sbu.edu/news/5-ways-mental-health-counseling-builds-stronger-communities

https://www.verywellhealth.com/benefits-of-therapy-5219732

April 1, 2024July 9, 2024

Grieving and Relationships

In our previous blog post, we discussed grief more generally. This post will be dedicated to grieving and relationships. Many people assume grief of this type can only come when a partner dies or if we’ve left a relationship because we were broken up with or someone cheated. Often, people forget that even leaving toxic relationships can come with grief. Just because the decision that was made may have been in our best interest and for our safety doesn’t mean we don’t grieve that relationship deeply.

Ending relationships because of cheating or abuse still comes with the same elements of loss we see in other relationships ending. There is a loss of the planned future together, the loss of the life that has been built now, and the loss of the person you thought your partner was or even the person you thought you were. It is not so cut and dry as to say that just because ending a relationship was good for us that we’re going to feel good about it, at least not right away.

When thinking about grieving and relationships, there is also often a time limit people expect someone to have. Grieving and relationships are not viewed the same way by society. When grieving a death, society also places time limits on “acceptable grief” but they seem more generous than for the end of a relationship. Most people expect us to “get over it” and “move on”, especially if the end of a relationship was brought on by the other party’s infidelity or abuse. We’re lauded for leaving the relationship but not given that time and space to grieve. There is no timeline for grief and there is no right or wrong way to grieve, regardless of what brought about our grief in the first place.

Stages of Grieving and Relationships

The stages of grief that we discussed in the previous post can also be applied to loss of a relationship. The things someone says to themselves or how they experience these stages could look a little different. It is also important to note that, again, just like when dealing with any kind of loss, these stages are not linear. Some people may skip certain stages all together or come back to a stage over and over until they’ve fully processed their grief and the mourning period is over.

Denial

In a relationship, denial can look like a rejection of acknowledging the relationship has truly ended. It can look like “They’ll come back to me once they realize they’ve made a mistake by letting me go” or it can look like “They said they’ll change so maybe they will and we can mend things”.

Anger

This is often seen as blaming someone or something else for the loss of the relationship. Sometimes it comes with not really seeing the part we play in keeping our relationships healthy and sometimes it comes from realizing how poorly treated we were and being angry at ourselves for letting it continue. It can look like “If they had just worked harder, we would still be together” or “This isn’t fair. I didn’t do anything wrong.”

Bargaining

Much like in more traditional grief, bargaining usually looks like making promises to others, the universe, or a deity in order to bring things back to normal. Sometimes it comes from a realization that we’ve had a part to play in the break up and sometimes it’s still tied to denial or anger. It can look like approaching your ex and promising “I’ll stop getting annoyed about the little things and nagging you if you just come back” or promising God that you’ll pray every night again if your ex will come back to you.

Depression

This is the sense of hopelessness as the reality of the end of the relationship hits someone. It’s what we often expect to see when someone experiences a loss. Often we see people experience feelings of not being able to accept that another relationship is possible and they’ll say things like “Who else could love me?” or “I’ll never find someone else, I’m going to be alone forever.”

Acceptance

When someone realizes the true finality of a relationship and that it is actually over, we see that as acceptance. It’s knowing that it’s time to heal and move on from the relationship, knowing that “I’m going to be okay.” Again, just like in cases of a more “traditional loss” like a death, someone can reach acceptance and then go back to another stage. This is not always the final stage. Sometimes it could even be the first and only stage! Grieving and loss are individual.

Grieving and Relationships: Dealing with the End of a Relationship

It can be hard to lose someone you love, especially when you know it was because of a breakup and not a death. It can feel like things are more open and the hope that things can return to normal with the relationship being repaired could complicate things for some people. Because grieving and relationships, both separately and together, are so individual, there is no one size fits all solution.

If you or someone you care about is experiencing grief, a great resource is counseling. It can help people work through their feelings, especially when done with a neutral party who is less likely to push for us to feel a certain way or the other. Therapists often know of resources and skills we can use in order to try and heal a little bit faster. Resources in the community are especially important for someone who has left an abusive relationship and therapists can often help people with finding those.
It’s important to take extra time to be compassionate and gentle with yourself. Regardless of why the relationship has ended, these events tend to come with a lot of difficult and sometimes overwhelming feelings. It’s not easy to say goodbye to something that meant so much to you and so it’s important to be kind to yourself through this process.
Don’t force yourself to meet society’s timetables for what an “acceptable” mourning period looks like. We all take our time in processing these events and it’s normal for yours to look different from someone else’s. Trying to force ourselves to fit a grieving mold can make things harder and can leave things unresolved for us, emotionally.
Look for support from those you love who are in your life. Those people who are still there for you are going to be important anchors throughout this process. It’s especially important to try and avoid social withdrawal or isolation during grieving as that can sometimes make things worse for us.
Seek out support groups catered to your loss, such as for divorce, domestic violence, or the death of a partner. Many support groups exist and this is something a therapist can help you find. It can be helpful to hear that you’re not alone in this and that someone else has experienced a similar loss and is coming out on the other side of it. Grief.com is a great place to find these.
The most important thing to remember is that you don’t have to grieve alone.

February 26, 2024July 9, 2024

The Subjective Grief Experience: The Stages of Grief

Everyone will experience grief and loss at some point in their lives. Grief can impact people in many different ways and can look very different from person to person. It also doesn’t just come from the death of a loved one. People can experience grief that can be brought on by loss of a job, a housing move, loss of a friendship, opportunities, a relationship, and any number of things. It can also be brought on by a loss of a social role, such as the role of a worker when someone retires or the loss of parenting role once children become adults and start their own lives away from home. People often talk about the stages of grief, something we’ll discuss in detail here.

Grief can be about mourning the actual, physical loss of a person but it can also be about mourning the future and dreams involved with that person. Any joint plans, expectations, or hopes for the future that can no longer happen because of someone not being in our lives anymore can all come with an experience of grief and a feeling of loss and mourning.

There is no one way to grieve and there is no one definitive list of what can cause a grief response for someone.

The Five Stages of Grief

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross was the first to detail what many of us know as the “five stages of grief”. While she initially developed these to explain the process those with life-threatening illnesses go through once they receive a terminal diagnosis, it can also be applied to many other forms of grief. These stages are not linear. What this means is that someone can go through them in any order, may never experience certain stages, or may go back to stages even after “resolving” them. For example, someone may reach acceptance, but may then experience anger or denial again.

Denial

This stage is defined as not being able to accept or understand that someone or something is truly gone. People can experience this as an expectation that things will go back to normal and that this is temporary. When dealing with illness, for example, it is a denial that the diagnosis is terminal and that you or someone you love will find an effective treatment that will not result in death.

Anger

When talking about the stages of grief, anger can be seen as a desire to blame someone or something else. Often this is seen as an expression of things not being fair or just. “Why is this happening to me?” “Why would God do this to me?”

Bargaining

With grief, bargaining often looks like trying to make promises to the universe, a deity, or someone in our lives in order to make things go back to normal. This is different from denial because the person accepts that the loss is happening but not accepting that nothing can be done to change it. Sometimes this can look like “I promise I’ll go to church again if you save my mother from dying” or “I promise I’ll take my medication and go to the doctor if I can just get better.” It’s an attempt at gaining control over a situation in which someone feels helpless in the face of their loss.

Depression

This is a realization of the loss, and the fact there isn’t anything that can be done about it, which often brings upon strong feelings of despair and hopelessness. Often people withdraw from their families or loved ones as a result of this. It can be seen as “What’s the point?” or “Why should I even bother?”

Acceptance

This should not be seen as the end of the grief experience or cycle. People do not always reach “acceptance” about their loss and then stop there. Sometimes someone can accept their loss but then go back to anger or denial, for example. This stage involves accepting the reality of their loss and no longer trying to change it but moving forward. There is an acceptance that things cannot go back to the way they were before the diagnosis, the housing move, or the job loss.

Grieving

The process of grieving and going through these stages is incredibly personal and individualized. No two people will experience grief or mourning in the same way, even if they are responding to the same loss. Two siblings going through the loss of a parent will experience this loss in different ways, going through different stages at different times, and reconciling with their own personal experiences with this parent and the impact of the parent’s loss on their lives.

It is normal to compare your experiences with grief and loss to how others are experiencing it or how society tells us we should. Our perceptions of how others are experiencing a similar grief can also impact how we should or should not be behaving or reacting to grief. There is no timeframe for grief and there is no normal way to grieve. Our personal way of grieving is not wrong just because it doesn’t look like someone else’s.

Help and support

There are many different resources out there for people who are grieving. Getting support and care from those we love is certainly a first step. We can also take extra steps to be gentle with ourselves and prioritize self-care. Bereavement therapy is an option for those who feel grief is impacting their lives in a way they need extra support with and there are many grief counseling groups revolving around different forms of grief, such as child loss or parent loss.

Additional resources

https://www.grief.com

https://optionb.org/

About the Author

Kerry Moran is an intern at CCC who is currently enrolled in the undergraduate psychology program at the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth. She is currently applying to graduate programs for her master’s in counseling with the goal of becoming a Licensed Mental Health Counselor. Grief is a topic that is close to her heart and something she feels passionately about, especially since so many people grieve alone as a result of societal pressures. Grief and grieving are important parts of the human experience and her hope is to be able to one day work with many different types of clients, but especially those experiencing grief and loss.