October is LGBTQIA+ History Month! One of the big questions people have in response to this is how is it different from Pride Month in June? There are some key differences we’ll discuss in this blog post, along with how LGBTQIA+ History Month started and what its purpose is. The hope is that with more understanding of things involving the LGBTQIA+ community, we can foster more understanding for their mental health needs, as well!
So, What IS LGBTQIA+ History Month?
Simply, it’s exactly what it sounds like. It’s a month dedicated to the history of the LGBTQIA+ community, focusing on key figures that have contributed to the forwarding of their civil rights. It also is meant to educate people about the community at large.
Every October, the GLAAD and LGBTQ History Month websites have a write up on important historical (and current) members of the community. The LGBTQ History Month website dedicates one day of the month to a figure and it’s possible to go back into the archives to see the past years’ icons.
It was started by a high school teacher, Rodney Wilson, in 1994 in Missouri. He was the first publicly out educator in that state and he felt it was important to have a month that would help educate people more about the gay community and the need right gay rights, in a way that was approachable and focused on the icons and important people that had made strides to make things better.
He chose October because October 11th (today!) is National Coming Out Day in the USA. October also marks the anniversaries of some of the first marches in LGBTQIA+ history in the 70’s and 80’s.
Okay, but isn’t that just Pride Month?
Well, no, not exactly. Pride Month is focused heavily on the history of political activism in the community, along with an emphasis on proudly being out and living an authentic life, without hiding. It can seem very similar on the outside, but the key differences are really on the focus of the months. LGBTQIA+ History Month is more aligned with general education about the community, with a focus on key iconic figures throughout time that have contributed to the movement of education and civil rights.
Pride Month is more well known because of its heavy emphasis on, well, pride and being proud of oneself despite the cisheteronormative expectations of society telling the community that they are too different. It’s a celebration as much as it is a call to action. LGBTQIA+ History Month is educational.
So, Why Does It Matter?
It matters because history is important. Many of these icons are not well known, especially to the younger generations of LGBTQIA+ individuals. What these figures did in their lives and how they contributed to the community is something that can help continue to foster not only understanding but to empower LGBTQIA+ youth to live their lives in ways that can change the world, as well.
Representation is important for everyone and in a world where we still see widespread prejudice and misunderstanding about this community, the more education we can have around these topics, the better!
It’s all just an effort to continue to make the world a kinder, more understanding place for people from all kinds of different backgrounds.
LGBTQIA+ Mental Health
We’ve discussed in a previous post about how being part of this community can contribute to poorer mental health outcomes. This is primarily because of the prejudices that exist and the fears many individuals have around their safety and if people will accept them. These things can take a very real toll on the mental health of anyone, especially someone who will have to encounter these considerations often when having to decide how much of their lives and selves to share with others.
There is nothing inherently about being LGBTQIA+ that contributes to poorer mental health and it is almost entirely connected to how society responds to individuals who are different from them. The more education we can put out, the more we can hope for a day when those statistics will change.
With June being Pride Month, there are many things to celebrate. However, it is also important to consider the importance of LGBTQIA+ affirming care, not only in our actual work but also in how we interact with people daily. Our previous post was a quick primer on identities and terms common in the LGBTQIA+ community. This post felt like a natural progression from the previous one.
While there are many good things about being part of a community as rich and diverse as the LGBTQIA+ community, we also cannot ignore the statistics that are available that show the impact of prejudice, bias, and bigotry on the lives of many people. This is why affirming care for these individuals is so important. It is important to remember that there is no inherent link between being LGBTQIA+ and having a mental illness but that it is the way that the world treats individuals in this community that contributes to mental illness. This is where the importance of LGBTQIA+ affirming care comes in.
Statistics
According to a 2022 survey by SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Association), LGBTQIA+ adults are more likely to use substances, experience mental health disorders, and experience serious thoughts of suicide.
The Trevor Project Shows us Why LGBTQIA+ Affirming Care is Needed
The Trevor Project also releases a survey every year that asks thousands of LGBTQIA+ youth about their experiences. It covers many topics, including experiences with mental health, abuse and bias, and what their home and school (or work) lives are like. Their most recent 2023 survey is an incredibly detailed look into what it is like to experience the world in the United States as an LGBTQIA+ youth. According to the Trevor Project:
41% of LGBTQ young people seriously considered attempting suicide in the past year.
56% of LGBTQ young people who wanted mental health care in the past year were not able to get it.
At least some of those 56% of LGTBQ young people stated that one of the reasons they could not access care was because of a lack of LGBTQIA+ affirming care providers.
Transgender and nonbinary young people who reported that all of the people they live with respect their pronouns reported lower rates of attempting suicide, however fewer than 40% of LGBTQ young people found their home to be LGBTQ-affirming.
Roughly half of transgender and nonbinary young people found their school to be gender-affirming, and those who did reported lower rates of attempting suicide, however a majority of LGBTQ young people reported being verbally harassed at school because people thought they were LGBTQ.
Nearly 1 in 3 LGBTQ young people said their mental health was poor most of the time or always due to anti-LGBTQ policies and legislation.
Nearly 2 in 3 LGBTQ young people said that hearing about potential state or local laws banning people from discussing LGBTQ people at school made their mental health a lot worse.
NAMI
NAMI (the National Alliance on Mental Illness) gives some insight to some of these statistics. According to them there are a variety of reasons that individuals in this community are more likely to experience mental illness. These include:
Coming out – This is an experience that can be either positive or negative for people. If coming out was voluntary, it is more likely to be positive, however it can still come with some negative ramifications depending on how those around them react. If someone is outed (having their identity told to others without their consent), it can often be a negative and traumatizing experience.
Rejection – Many LGBTQIA+ plus, especially youth and young adults, experience rejection from loved ones upon coming out (or being outed). They can also be rejected by peers and are more likely to experience bias and prejudice at work or in school.
Trauma – Unfortunately, due to the way many in our society still treat those who are LGBTQIA+, many individuals end up experiencing trauma throughout their lives, especially as adolescents.
Extra Risks for LGBTQIA+ Individuals
They also discuss some risks that LGBTQIA+ individuals are more likely to experience as a result of their identities, such as:
Homelessness – LGBTQIA+ youth have an estimated 120% higher risk of experiencing homelessness in comparison to their non-LGBTQIA+ peers. This is especially high for Black and Indigenous youth.
Suicide – As we saw from the Trevor Project’s survey, 41% of LGBTQIA+ youth have had serious thoughts of suicide. Suicide completion is also high in this group as a result of their experiences.
Inadequate mental health care – the Trevor Project noted that 56% of LGBTQIA+ youth who wanted mental health care could not access it due to a variety of factors. However, it is also important to note that not all mental health practitioners are informed in this type of work and may accidentally contribute to some of the distress their clients may face or end up providing substandard care (either due to ignorance or to their own biases).
While many of the statistics available focus on youth, we have to remember that adults, especially older adults, also face difficulties. According to SAGE, 53% of older adults who identify as LGBTQIA+ experience loneliness and they are twice as likely to live alone in comparison to non-LGBTQIA+ peers. We know that loneliness can contribute to mental illness, especially depression.
What We Can Do
These statistics are distressing, but what can we do about them? As people, just showing kindness and understanding can go a long way to changing someone’s day or even life. When we keep in mind our language and how we talk about different groups of people, we take into consideration the impact we have on other people every day. But what about as clinicians?
Don’t assume someone’s gender or sexual orientation. If you’re able to have your own intake forms, look into making sure they are as inclusive as possible. If you work for a group practice that has the same forms for everyone, advocate for the LGBTQOA+ community by approaching whoever is in charge of the forms and suggesting more inclusive language and changes to them. It can be the best way to set up a safe environment almost immediately before a client even meets with you. Also remember to include a third gender option of your forms, if you ask for a client’s gender.
Provide a space for them that makes them feel safe. There are many ways you can do this both during intake and going forward. It’s not appropriate to ask about medical transitioning unless the individual brings it up first as medical transition can be an especially sensitive topic for many people. You wouldn’t ask a cisgender person details about their genitals and you shouldn’t ask a transgender individual about this, either.
Make sure to use their pronouns; a good way to know them is to have this included on your intake form or to make a point of asking every client during the first appointment what their pronouns are. It’s important to ask all clients because there is no way to know just by looking at someone what their gender or pronouns are.
Don’t use their deadname if it is still their legal name; giving an option for a chosen name on your intake form alongside the legal name can help you know how best to refer to your clients.
Learn how they want to refer to their partners. Understand the most up to date terms to avoid using outdated, now offensive words to describe identities.
Be prepared with resources that are tailored for LGBTQIA+ individuals. For example:
There are many more than these, however! Look for ones local to you, as well, as sometimes having local communities can be more helpful than online ones.
The way we come prepared to handle the needs of clients who may be different than us can make a world of difference for how much they’re able to get out of the care they come to us for. Focusing on LGBTQIA+ affirming care can make a world of difference for individuals in this community and can greatly improve their quality of life.
With it being June, and thus Pride Month, we decided to follow up on our previous post about the history of Pride Month with a post serving as a quick primer to some LGBTQIA+ identities and common terms to be familiar with. This is by no means a comprehensive list! Those who want to learn more should check out the resources we’ve listed at the bottom of this blog post. There are a lot more terms explained throughout those websites which could serve to be even more helpful.
It’s important to be able to understand some of the more basic aspects of the LGBTQIA+ community as it can help when trying to work with clients in that community or even to help support or understand loved ones in your life. Everyday we come into contact with those who are part of this community, whether we know it or not, and the way we speak about these concepts and terms can make a huge impact on others. The more understanding we have, even if just basic, is critical in providing the care and support people need.
One important thing that must be understood before getting into the terms in general is that sex, gender, and sexuality are all very different and separate from each other. While many people use these terms interchangeably, especially sex and gender, they should be understood as completely different concepts that all play a role in how we interact with the world and how the world interacts with us.
Sexual orientation specifically refers to an individual’s sexual desire towards another person (or lack thereof). Sex is based on characteristics assigned by the medical community and society, usually based on genitals, to categorize individuals into primarily binary categories. Also known as the sex assigned at birth. Gender, on the other hand, is a social construction that categorizes individuals into male, female, or a third category. Socially considered to be based on external appearances or qualities (hair length, clothing choice, voice and mannerisms, etc), though there is no true defined set of characteristics that belong to any one gender or gender expression.
There are many common acronyms that are used to describe the LGBTQIA+ community and the acronyms have gotten progressively more and more inclusive over time. LGBT was the most common acronym, first coming into conversation about sex, sexuality, and gender in the 90s. However, since then, as the spectrum of gender and sexuality are being better understood and more discussed, we have added onto that acronym to reflect that. It is important to understand that no one acronym can ever fully represent the full scope of identities for this group, which is why we often see a “+” at the end. The acronyms LGBTQQIAA, 2SLGBTQQIAA, and SOGIE also exist, along with many others
Two Spirit, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans, Queer, Questioning, Intersex, Asexual, Aromantic are the agreed upon most common understanding of the letters in the longest common form of the acronym (2SLGBTQQIAA). SOGIE stands for Sexual Orientation, Gender Identity and Expression. Some claim the second A stands for Ally, many argue that Allies should not be considered part of the acronym (even though they are important to the community and do good work) and that it stands for Aromantic or that a second A does not need to be included. However, there is no one consensus on this matter and it depends on individual interpretation.
Ally – Someone who does not identify as part of the LGBTQIA+ community but is supportive of the group, often advocating for their rights and providing safe, inclusive areas for various people.
Aromantic – An individual who does not experience romantic attraction and does not need or want romantic relationships. These individuals often find fulfillment in other types of relationships, such as friendships and families, and do not find that anything is missing due to a lack of romantic relationships. May identify as sexual orientation, as well. Sometimes shortened to Aro.
Asexual – An individual who does not experience sexual attraction, or only experiences sexual attraction under very specific circumstances. They may identify any kind of romantic attraction (or lack thereof) along with this identity (such as: gay-romantic, bi-romantic, etc). Often shortened to Ace. This is not the same as celibacy, which refers to an active decision to refrain from sexual activity regardless of sexual attraction.
Bisexual – Someone who is sexually attracted to people of their own gender and people of other genders. Typically in the past, this was understood to mean someone who was attracted only to men and women, but as understanding of gender spectrums have evolved, so has the understanding of this term. While some individuals may have a specific set of genders they are attracted to, others may have many.
Cis(gender) – An individual who identifies with the gender they were assigned at birth that coincides with the social or cultural understanding of the sex assigned at birth (often based on sex characteristics).
Cisnormativity – An oppressive belief and assumption that everyone identifies, or should identify, with the gender or sex they were assigned at birth. Often excludes the considerations and needs of trans people and gender non-conforming individuals.
Deadname – A name an individual no longer uses to identify. This is often a legal name given at birth. Referring to someone by their deadname (deadnaming someone) is often considered rude or hurtful, depending on the intention behind it. It is important to respect someone’s lived or chosen name even if it differs from their legal name as not everyone can afford to legally change their name.
Gay – A man who is attracted to other men. In the past, this was referred to as homosexual or homophile. While some men still refer to themselves this way, more commonly now it is considered a medicalized term that was created to pathologize men who were attracted to men.
Gender affirming (care, surgery) – Health care (both mental and physical) that includes therapy, medications, and surgery to affirm and meet the needs of trans individuals.
Gender dysphoria – Distress felt by a trans individual due to incongruencies in gender identity and physical characteristics or others’ perceptions of them. For example, a transwoman may feel gender dysphoria due to having a deeper voice than she would be comfortable with.
Gender euphoria -The joy a trans individual can feel from gender affirming experiences, such as being able to wear their hair how they like, receiving gender affirming care, or being able to dress how they wish. This is something that many are pushing to be the focus of trans care (such as, how can we promote more gender euphoria in trans individuals) as opposed to gender dysphoria, which only focuses on the struggles of being trans.
Gender non-conforming – An individual who may or may not be trans who presents in a way that does not conform with traditional gender expectations for their gender assigned at birth. Often, this is seen in how someone physically presents but can also be how they define their social role, as well.
Heteronormativity – An oppressive belief or assumption that everyone identifies as heterosexual (or straight). This often ignores the lived realities of many people who do not identify this way and can also put individuals in a difficult position about self-disclosing their sexual or romantic orientation.
Intersex – An individual who is born with “ambiguous” sex characteristics. This can be seen as having genitals or other physical sex characteristics that do not conform with stereotypical expectations of “male” or “female”, could be a combination of chromosomes that do not fit expectations, or hormone levels that do not “match” the idea of what “males” or “females” should have. Individuals can have any combination of these attributes, as well. Often, individuals are assigned a sex or gender based on “best guess” practices as infants, with many going through unnecessary and often harmful surgical procedures to have their bodies conform to societal and medical categories, often for the comfort of the parents or doctors. Intersex individuals were referred to as hermaphrodites in the past, a term that is now considered outdated and harmful.
Lesbian – A woman who identifies as loving or being sexually attracted to other women. In the past, this was referred to as homosexual or homophile.
Misgendering- Referring to someone as being a gender that they do not identify with. Sometimes this is done because we assume gender based on how someone looks (assuming that someone with short hair, no visible breasts, and a deep or ambiguous voice is a man), other times this is done intentionally (such as when someone purposefully refers to someone they know is a transwoman as “sir”). This can be very upsetting for trans individuals and can contribute to dysphoria.
Non-binary – Someone who identifies as neither a woman or a man. This could be someone who identifies as a third gender or no gender. Often uses any number of pronouns (including pronouns that match their sex assigned at birth or don’t, or could be a combination of pronouns).
Pansexual – An individual who identifies as being sexually attracted to many different genders. Some people use this interchangeably with bisexual while others feel it is completely separate.
Queer – An umbrella term for any number of different identities. In the past, this was seen exclusively as an offensive term whereas now with the younger generations the idea has been that they have taken back the term. It is only appropriate to use this term if you identify as LGBTQIA+ and it is not appropriate to use it haphazardly for individuals, as not everyone is okay with this label.
Questioning – A term for someone who is still questioning their sexual orientation or gender identity. This being included in the acronym allows space for those who may still not be sure of where they are in their journey with their identity without forcing them to make a choice they may not identify with later.
Trans(gender) – An individual who does not identify as the sex they were assigned at birth. This is an umbrella term for anyone who fits into this category, though we often see it applied more frequently to transmen and transwomen. A trans person may or may not be out, may or may not have socially transitioned in every aspect of their lives, and may or may not have medically transitioned. There is no one or right way to be trans.
Transition – The process of someone coming to publicly present as their gender. This can be done slowly, by socially transitioning in stages (such as to close loved ones and then to work and then to public in general), or it can be done all at once depending on the individual’s comfort level. It can involve appearance changes (or not), pronoun or name changes (or not), and could involve hormone treatments or surgeries (but does not have to). People transition in their own way and at their own pace.
Two Spirit – A gender identity specific to Indigenous peoples in North America. There are many different ways this can be defined and they are culturally determined by specific Nations and their history. Often, these individuals serve important social roles in their communities.
It’s officially June and June 1 was the beginning of Pride Month (which is different from LGBTQIA+ history month)! Pride Month is a celebration during June worldwide for the LGBTQIA+ community. More specifically, June 28th is the anniversary of the Stonewall Inn riots. This sparked a change in how the queer community advocated for their rights and why we celebrate Pride month today. While many Pride events focus on the celebration, it is important to remember that Pride has a rich history of political activism. The riots at the Stonewall Inn are the most famous and were monumental for the queer community they were not the beginning of queer activism in the US, which has a history going back to at least 1926.
Pride Month: Before and After Stonewall
1926 was when the Society for Human Rights was founded by Henry Gerber. He was an US army soldier who had been inspired by the queer community and organizations advocating for their rights in Germany. He wanted to bring something like that to the US and push for rights and advocacy here. Its focus was on bringing awareness to the needs of the LGBTQIA+ community.
In the 1950s, the Mattachine Society was founded with the aim of advocating for gay rights and for the repealing of anti-gay laws. There was concern that they were demanding too much and not gaining enough so they changed tactics. They appealed to the community to adapt as much as possible to mainstream society and ideals. The hope was that they would appeal to the heterosexual community and be more accepted. The message they wanted to send to the heterosexual population was that they were “normal” and “just like them”.
Also in the 1950s, the Daughters of Bilitis were founded. This was an organization similar to the Mattachine Society but was aimed at the lesbian community. At first, they were primarily concerned with having safe places where lesbians could meet and spend time together. Over time, they also started working towards supporting married lesbians and mothers and giving educational talks to the heterosexual community. They worked to spread awareness and understanding of lesbian causes and concerns and became more focused on lesbian feminism and politics as time went on. This organization no longer exists, however.
In 1966, in San Francisco, there was a riot in a restaurant called the Compton Cafeteria. When a police officer attempted to arrest a drag queen (as it was illegal at the time to wear gender non-conforming clothing), she fought back and this sparked the other queer patrons in the restaurant to fight back against the police, as well. Much like the Mattachine Society, this organization no longer exists.
We also have organizations that started in the wake of the Stonewall Inn riots. In the 1970s, the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence were founded. This organization started with drag queens who used nun’s habits in their performances. Eventually, it evolved into a drag organization that brings attention to queer issues while wearing drag versions of nun’s clothing. They bring awareness to issues such as discrimination and oppression of queer people, especially when linked to religious hypocrisy. They also focus on safe sex education and about the dangers of drug use. The group also raises money for AIDs organizations and other important causes within the LGBTQIA+ community.
Also in the 1970s we saw the beginning of STAR (Street Transvestite Action Revolutionaries). It was founded by Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera, two people who are famous in the queer community today, who took part in the Stonewall Inn riots. While the organization only lasted 3 years, it was organized to provide housing and support to homeless queer youth. It made a huge difference in the lives of many homeless LGBTQIA+ youth in New York City for the brief time it was running.
The Stonewall Inn Riots
It is important to remember that the Stonewall Inn riots are rightly famous. They marked a significant turning point in how queer advocacy organizations approached queer causes and the many needs of the LGBTQIA+ community and other overlapping causes.
In the 1960’s there were still laws that targeted the LGBTQIA+ community, especially gay men and gender non-conforming individuals. These laws affected many different areas of people’s lives. One law was that it was illegal to serve alcohol to those who were part of the queer community. This meant that many bars and clubs were not an option for most people. There were few places to meet other LGBTQIA+ individuals that were safe.
While there were bars and clubs that specifically catered to gay men and lesbians and allowed gender non-conforming folks to attend, as well, depending on the venue, these establishments were often owned by the Mafia. Police would do frequent raids on known or suspected gay bars and arrest anyone who didn’t have ID or were wearing clothing that didn’t align with their gender assigned at birth. These bars being owned by the Mafia did often provide some protection as they often paid police off to reduce the frequency of raids or for tips when a raid was incoming.
The Stonewall Inn was a well-known bar run by a Mafia family that catered exclusively to the queer community. On June 28th, 1969, there was an unexpected police raid on the Stonewall Inn that the Mafia had not been tipped off about. During this raid, the police were being overly forceful and were seen to hit patrons with their clubs. A crowd had begun to accumulate around the bar made up of patrons, neighborhood residents, and customers from nearby clubs and bars.
As a woman was being forced into a police vehicle for arrest, she called out to the crowd asking why they weren’t doing anything to help (most say Stormé DeLarverie was the woman in question). This pushed the crowd into action who started throwing things at police and fighting back, rioting against the unfair treatment they had been forced to endure for years. The rioting continued for five more nights in the neighborhood as the queer community demanded equal rights and the ability to live authentically as themselves.
On June 28th, 1970, on the one year anniversary of the Stonewall Riots, the first Pride parade was held to commemorate the ongoing struggle for equal rights for queer folk. However, many of these early Pride events and the organizations that came up after Stonewall did not include people of color or transpeople in their organizing, despite the pivotal role they had played in much of the fight for equal rights.
Pride Month Today and Tomorrow
Today, Pride is celebrated all throughout the month of June and is celebrated globally. All over the world, one can find a Pride event to attend during June to celebrate the queer community. There are concerns for many in the queer community about the large sponsorship and presence of corporations during these events. They are concerned with the commodification of Pride. This could be taking attention away from not only the political roots of Pride. And also from the continuing work that still needs to be done advocating for the LGBTQIA+ community. There is also concern about the heavy police presence at many of the larger Pride events. Because of continued oppression and marginalization of queer individuals, especially individuals of color, this has been questioned.
Celebrating and acknowledging the strides made for equality is important and very much needed. But there is also still a lot of work to be done. The queer community is rich with political activism and celebration. Stonewall may not have been the first instance of LGBTQIA+ resistance and activism. But it was the first to be covered globally and sparked an international movement for LGBTQIA+ rights and equality.
Growing up did you receive negative messages from your family and friends about sexual and gender identities they deemed to be outside the social norm?
After you moved away from your family home did you finally feel safe to identify with your true self and now you want to make sure your confidence in your identity doesn’t become diminished?
If either of these ring true to you, the following tips might be helpful for you navigating the holidays with family and friends.
Patience and Understanding
First, think about how much time it took you to decide and accept who you are as a person. Likely, expressing your true sexuality or gender identity took some time and consideration on your part. Remember how much time it took you to process who you were and come out to family and friends? Family and friends that have known you for a long time might need some time as well to process and accept your newly disclosed identity, as it may be brand-new information for them.
I came out as Transgender to my family around the age of 21 and unfortunately received less than supportive reactions from the majority of my family. However, about 8 years later, I finally found myself in a place where I felt accepted by most of my family and comfortable returning home for the holidays. Without the patience and understanding that I forced myself to practice throughout this transitional time, I wonder if I would still have a relationship with them right now. After all, it is important that as individuals we role model the actions and words that we expect from others. However, practicing patience and understanding is no easy feat, and should not be confused with allowance for disrespect. So then you ask what do I then do to ensure I receive respect from those around me? The answer is to set boundaries!
Setting Boundaries
So what are boundaries or what do boundaries look like? Boundaries are imaginary property lines set between you and others you interact with. It gives you the ability to separate your physical, mental, and emotional space from others, with the imaginary property line. Setting boundaries also give others around you a clear expectation of appropriate and inappropriate ways of interacting with you and defining what respecting you might look like.
So what do boundaries look like? This is a difficult question to answer as everyone’s boundaries look different. However, when deciding what boundaries you want to set you start by prioritize your needs and comfortability over those of others. It’s also important to determine within yourself what rigid boundaries (those you will not allow anyone to cross at any time for any reason) and those which we identify as soft boundaries (setting expectations for how others interact with you but leaving room for exceptions to the rule).
One boundary you might think about the setting is that you disclose your sexual or gender identity to whomever you choose, not who your family chooses. Early in my transition, I had a girlfriend, with whom I finally felt comfortable disclosing my gender identity. While processing this information she choose to disclose my gender identity to people in our lives. I was not ready to disclose that information. While I understand where she was coming from, this was very hurtful and difficult early on as I was in my most vulnerable state at the time.
That being said, it is important to consider what boundaries you might want to set prior to seeing family and friends during the holidays. However, these are important conversations prior to the day of, so they have time for processing and to be held accountable. This is not to say even the most accepting of friends are family might “slip up,” every now and again. However, you will quickly learn what are honest mistakes and what mistakes are intentional!
Self Care and Positive Affirmations
Holidays can be one of the most difficult times of the year for people who are part of the LGBTQIA community for a multitude of reasons. Although the holidays are been advertised as a time of being thankful and giving back to others, it’s important to give to yourself as well. Make sure that during the holiday season you are giving more to yourself as well. This might mean prioritizing your own self-care, (ie taking a nice bath, getting your hair done, seeing your therapist more frequently, or joining a local support group). Also, be mindful that self-care can look different for each person and does not have to look any particular way. Think about what makes you happy, what fuels your heart and soul, and what healthy thing makes it just that much easier when you have a bad day. Whatever your answer might be, that is your self-care! Self-care is always best coupled with positive affirmations. It can be difficult to be kind to yourself when the world can be an unkind place. Positive daily affirmations, although an awkward feeling at times, can definitely increase a person’s self-worth. By simply writing, saying, or acknowledging a positive quality about yourself daily, you will equip yourself with a little more armor to battle the world!
For me, some days self-care looks like a nap on the weekend, and for others, it’s taking an overnight trip to the mountains. And positive affirmations are an ongoing list on my phone to remind me of the qualities I like in myself. So what fuels your soul? What makes you who you are? What qualities are you proud of?
You have the Right to Celebrate the Holidays the Way in Which You Choose
Above all else, you choose where, when, and how you celebrate. If you don’t want to celebrate with this person or that person it is okay! You have a right to your own autonomy and to make your own choices. You are under no obligation to explain yourself to others either. Most importantly you have the right to enjoy your holiday the way you choose to! Happy Holiday Season!
Aden is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker. He has over 10 years of experience treating co-occurring disorders. He is a Certified Trauma Professional and specializes in the LGBTQA population. He currently facilitates our Gender Spectrum Support Group.
