An important part of having healthy relationships with other people is to have healthy boundaries. When we say relationships, we mean relationships of any kind! Romantic, friends, family, coworkers, everyone. Having health boundaries is the key to making and maintaining healthy relationships.
What Are Boundaries in Relationships?
When we’re discussing these types of boundaries, we really are discussing how we interact with others. This means how much of ourselves we give to others and how much time we devote to them. Boundaries are going to be ever changing and shifting according to who we are around and at what point in our lives we are. For example, we’re more likely to say yes to a favor from a close friend than we are an acquaintance.
Setting up healthy boundaries is easier from the beginning of a relationship than trying to implement them later on. However, it can still be done in already long-standing relationships! Sometimes this may cause some friction.
What Makes a Boundary Healthy or Unhealthy?
Think about how you feel when something happens or you have an interaction with someone. If saying “yes” to something makes you feel stressed, like you don’t have enough time for you, or like you’re being stretched too thin, then it’s possibly an unhealthy situation. There are times when we have to say yes to things, even if we don’t want to. For example, most people have to work. However, not everyone has to or is able to work long hours or overtime. A healthy boundary is setting how many hours you can work a week that still meets your financial needs and fulfills the contract you have set up with your employer.
Another example is with friends or family. Of course, we want to be there to listen and be emotional supports for our loved ones. However, we can’t always do that. Sometimes, our own mental health is stretched too far to offer that kind of support to another person. As much as we may want to help, we can’t always do so. An unhealthy boundary would be continuing to give and give while neglecting our own needs. A good boundary would be to let that person know we still support and are there for them even if we can’t give as much as we usually do.
How Do I Set Healthy Boundaries?
To set healthy boundaries you first have to analyze what your values and goals are. How much time and energy do you have to dedicate to different aspects of your life, including other people? How do you want to feel at the end of the day? There are so many things that go into determining healthy boundaries that it’s impossible to give an easy guide for it. It’s a very individualized process!
One bit of important advice in this area is to make sure that you take things slow. It can be really overwhelming to set a lot of these boundaries at once, especially if they involve advocating for yourself. If this is something you’re not used to doing, it can be really hard. So start small and work your way up.
What if the People Around Me Respond Poorly?
If someone pushes against reasonable boundaries you have set, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship you have with that person. Depending on the importance of the relationship, it may be worth it to be patient with them and keep enforcing your boundaries. This would involve reminding them of when they’ve crossed a boundary. However, even in the most important relationships, it’s necessary that the people around you respect you and your limits.
What If I’m Still Struggling With Boundary Setting?
Sometimes it can be hard to know where to start or it can just be overwhelming. If you’re struggling with boundaries, then it may be a good idea to reach out to someone. Usually, a therapist can help you through therapy to identify your boundaries. Then you’d be able to work together with that therapist to work towards enforcing your boundaries.