Coping with Conflict

Conflict. It isn’t pretty and often can make us uncomfortable. There are a lot of reasons we don’t like conflict and we all deal with it a little bit differently. This time of year especially can bring out more conflict than usual. So before you throw an ornament at your uncle you only see twice a year because of a disagreement, let’s go over some conflict management techniques you can use instead!

Conflict – Why Does It Happen?

Usually, these things happen because of a mismatch somewhere. Either it was a mismatch in communication, values, goals, or just views on a situation. It doesn’t always have to be a bad thing but often the feelings we have that bring us to a conflict are unpleasant ones. Maybe we feel disrespected or we feel like the other person just isn’t listening to us. Sometimes it’s because we feel ignored or because we feel frustrated. When wires get crossed, it can be easy to get annoyed and let tempers flare.

Conflict is not always negative but it also needs to be handled correctly. In the right amounts, conflict is part of any healthy relationship. We won’t always agree on everything and it’s important to stick up for yourself if you feel disrespected. However, it doesn’t have to be, and shouldn’t be, a screaming fest, either.

How Can We Handle Things Healthily?

Next week we’ll be discussing more in depth about different conflict management styles. But to give you a head start before Christmas, we can go over some basics this week.

One important aspect of conflict management is to try and stay as calm and level headed as possible. If you’re really mad and just cannot calm down enough to discuss something without yelling or calling names, it may be best to walk away from the situation until you do calm down. Go for a walk, practice some meditation, or do whatever you usually engage in to handle stress or difficult emotions. There are certain things we can’t take back once we’ve said them and it could be in the best interest of the relationship to delay the conversation until both parties are calm enough to handle the discussion.

Another important aspect is to understand what really is bothering you about the situation. Is it that you feel disrespected? That you feel something is unfair? That someone has hurt your feelings? Having a good understanding of why you’re upset will help you best be able to communicate that to the other person(s).

What If That Doesn’t Help?

If you find you’re having a lot of problems with conflict, it may be for the best to reach out to someone to help. A therapist can help with clearing up communication issues you may be having and could help strengthen those skills. Or maybe you need a neutral party to mediate between you and another party. A therapist can help there, too.

It’s important to understand that while conflict is healthy and normal, it shouldn’t be happening all of the time and it’s not okay for someone to be making you feel badly all the time. You also should not be the only one compromising every time, either. Therapy can help with all of these things!

Come back next week for a more in depth post about different styles of conflict management!

Resources:

https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/communication/conflict-resolution-skills

https://extension.psu.edu/dealing-with-conflict

https://sas.uaa.uw.edu/husky-experience/know-yourself/healthy-ways-to-handle-conflict

December 13, 2024December 12, 2024

Transition Stress: The Anxiety of Change and How to Cope

As we approach the end of the year, there’s so many things on our minds. Many of us are planning holiday parties or get togethers. Many are wondering what to gift, make, or how they’ll spend their time. And often we think about changes we want to make in our lives. The end of the year really makes us sit and think about things ending, changing, or transitioning. Of course it can make us excited or hopeful but these transitions can also be stressful.

Why Do Transitions Feel So Stressful?

The short answer is that we don’t really love change, even if change is good for us. It can be difficult to go from thinking about something one way to then thinking about it a new way. It takes time to adjust to that and it can be stressful, depending on what it is. And if the changes we’re implementing come with new routines or schedules, that can make things even more difficult for us.

We love patterns. It’s how our brains evolved to work and finding patterns in things makes us comfortable. There’s safety in knowing what’s going to happen next. If it’s a transition we weren’t expecting or had no choice over, it can add a feeling of helplessness and loss of control that makes it difficult to cope. This can cause some serious anxiety when thinking about the transition or changes that are coming.

What Kind of Transitions Can Affect Us?

Technically, anything that brings change to our lives can affect us and stress us out. Moving, changing jobs, having a baby, and getting married tend to be the big ones that people think about. But consider how for children, the end of the year signals the end of a school semester. For some of them, it means potentially not having friends in any of their classes when the new semester starts. Maybe it means a new teacher they’re never met before. Even though these things aren’t necessarily bad, they can absolutely affect someone’s mental health.

Making changes to our health can also cause stress. Maybe you’re cutting back on caffeine. Some people experience withdrawals from this that can be pretty unpleasant, including headaches. It also means a change in your routine of not going to the coffee shop as often or making something different in the morning to drink at home. These are little things that can add up if you’re already struggling with other things.

Is There Anything We Can Do?

We can’t avoid change, not forever. Change is good for us in the long run even if it doesn’t feel good at the moment. Some stress management techniques can help in the moment for dealing with these uncomfortable feelings. We’ve explored some of these techniques in a previous post about grounding techniques. These can be used if you feel overwhelmed or very anxious due to these changes.

Another option is to talk to someone you trust. Leaning on social supports during times of transition can be especially helpful. They often understand the impact these things can have on you and are likely to be able to support you through tough transitions. They can be there to remind you of the reasons this will be good in the end and they can also help you cope.

However, if talking to a loved one doesn’t help, consider reaching out to a therapist. Many people go to therapy just to help cope with transitions and changes. It can help to get someone neutral to chime in on what’s going on and to help listen to you.

Change doesn’t have to be difficult to cope with long term and there are options out there for help dealing with them. But do remember that it’s normal to struggle with change and that it’s normal to be anxious during these moments.

Resources:

https://blog.calm.com/blog/transition-anxiety

https://balancedthoughtstherapy.com/blog/why-are-transitions-so-stressful

https://bettertogethertherapy.co/what-are-the-psychological-effects-of-transition

https://www.crusescotland.org.uk/about-us/news-and-blogs/the-impact-of-transitions-and-how-to-cope-with-them

https://marblewellness.com/post/why-are-life-transitions-so-hard-navigating-change-with-resilience/

https://manhattancbt.com/life-transitions/

https://psychcentral.com/anxiety/how-to-manage-anxiety-during-periods-of-transition#definition

November 8, 2024November 6, 2024

The Importance of Work-Life Balance

A lot of people struggle with having proper balance between their lives and their work. It can be easy, especially in our always on the go, keep pushing for more, and goals/financially motivated society to feel like work is allowed to take over our lives. But a work-life balance is important. There are a lot of potential negative consequences that can happen when we don’t prioritize our lives outside of work more than or at least as much as our lives at work.

What IS a Work-Life Balance, Anyways?

Simply put, work-life balance is when you’re able to balance your work priorities and obligations with the things you both need and want to do outside of work. It means meeting your deadlines or work goals while also investing time in yourself, getting things done at home, and spending time with the ones you love.

This is going to look different for everyone! We all have our own hierarchy for what matters most to us. This can also change over our lives. What we prioritize at 25 is likely going to look different for when we’re 35. So this is definitely something to assess over time to make sure your work-life still aligns with your needs, values, and goals.

Consequences of Being Out of Balance

Stress, to put it simply, can be one of the most immediate consequences of not having a good work-life balance. Stress can then go on to affect us in other ways.

Like:

Irritability
Depression
Aches and pains, like headaches
Stomach problems
Relationship issues
Productivity problems
More likely to become ill
Blood pressure and other heart problems
Exacerbate chronic health conditions
Trouble sleeping
Problems with eating (too much or too little)
Overspending or risky behavior to cope with stress
Substance use (like drinking more than usual) to cope with stress
Burnout

And that’s not even an exhaustive list! However, it’s clear to see how having a poor work-life balance can affect you not just at home, but at work, too. Looking at the list, it makes it clear how counterproductive it is to focus solely on work at the expense of your mental and physical health. It’ll only affect your work poorly, too!

What Can I Do?

Working on achieving a better work-life balance is going to depend pretty heavily on your specific goals and priorities. However, the first step will be the same for everyone. Step back and really consider how you spend your time every day and every week. Are you happy with it? What areas do you wish you could spend more time in? Is it hobbies, family, or something else? Once you have answers to these questions, it’s easy to see where to tweak things to bring things more in balance with what you personally are looking for in life.

For example, if you feel like you bring work home with you a lot, either literally (finishing paperwork, emailing, etc) or mentally (worrying about projects, thinking about responsibilities, etc) then it may be time to consider setting some boundaries around work when you’re at home. If it’s simply not possible to not bring physical work home with you, set yourself a time limit for how much you’ll spend on it each day. This can help you balance out how you spend the rest of your day.

Do you feel overwhelmed with what you have to do at home? Enlist help from those who live with you, if possible. Splitting up chores so it doesn’t all fall on one or two people who also have busy work lives can really help with alleviating the feelings of “work never ends”, even if it isn’t your job that seems to be following you around.

If you feel comfortable and safe to, talk to your boss or co-workers. You may be surprised to know that others at work also feel the same way you do. Working together to come up with a better workplace culture that can support a healthier work-life balance for everyone can be more effective than trying to tackle it alone.

If even after working on getting your life more balanced you still feel like you’re struggling with stress, overwhelm, depression, or other negative feelings then consider reaching out to a therapist.

Resources:

https://www.camh.ca/en/camh-news-and-stories/achieving-work-life-balance

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/burnout/art-20046642

https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/explore-mental-health/a-z-topics/work-life-balance

https://mhanational.org/4mind4body-work-life-balance

https://www.mhanational.org/work-life-balance

https://oaksintcare.org/how-work-life-balance-impacts-mental-health/

https://www.webmd.com/balance/balancing-work-and-family